The Little Girl Who Survived What Should Have Broken Her... and the Healing Love That Found Her - Santa Jones

Santa Jones carried wounds no child should ever face—abuse, betrayal, and a stolen childhood marked by silence and fear. Moving from place to place, she longed for safety but instead found herself mistreated, manipulated, and controlled by those who were supposed to protect her. The pain followed her into adulthood through hidden pregnancies, stripping to survive, and years of carrying shame that never belonged to her.

But through every dark moment, God never let go of her story.

In this courageous testimony, Santa shares how healing began—slowly, gently, and powerfully—as God restored the pieces of a heart that had been broken since childhood. Her journey reveals a strength she didn’t know she had and a hope she never expected to find.

Her story is a tender reminder that even the deepest wounds can be healed, and that no one is beyond the reach of God’s love and restoration.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________

Ways to connect with Santa Jones:

I am Free Podcast

Instagram

TikTok

__________________________________________________________________________________________________

Transcript

Israel Caminero: 0:04

Thank you so much for tuning in to today's episode. I'm grateful for your support and for being part of this community. If you've been enjoying the podcast so far, I'd love it if you could take a minute to leave a review. Your feedback helps me reach more people and share these inspiring stories with others. Let's spread the word. Please share this podcast with your friends and family. And if you haven't already, be sure to like and subscribe for new episodes. To stay connected and up to date on all the latest news, updates, and exclusive content, head over to my Facebook page, Living Testimonies. While you're there, be sure to subscribe to my newsletter. The link is on the page. Thanks again for listening, and I'll catch you in the next episode. Welcome to Living Testimony: Stories of Faith and Redemption. I'm your host, Israel Caminero, and I hope everyone that's listening is blessed and doing well. Today I'm excited to have my sister in Christ joining me. And her name is Santa Jones. Santa, thank you so much for being here today. Why don't you start by introducing yourself? Tell us a little bit about who you are and where you're from.

Santa Jones: 1:32

Hey, my name is Santa Jones. I am in New Jersey. I am married. This Saturday will be 11 years married. And we have five children, three grandbabies. I have a ministry that the Lord has blessed me with, Be Free and Sore. Um, I am also a podcaster, an author, a speaker, and I just became a Christian doula. And so thank you for having me.

Israel Caminero: 2:00

Thank you for being here and taking the time to join us. As always, she's here to share her testimony of how God stepped in her life and turned her pain into purpose. But before we begin, let's take a moment to pray and invite the Holy Spirit into the conversation. Father God, we just thank you for this time together, Lord. We thank you for who you are, faithful and full of mercy. Thank you for bringing Santa here today to share her story, a story that will reflect your goodness and your power to redeem and restore. Lord, I ask that you guide our words, our hearts during this conversation. Let everything shared bring you glory and touch the lives of those listening. We pray that someone out there who's struggling finds hope, peace, and strength for this testimony. Holy Spirit, have your way. Speak through Santa. Use her voice to minister, heal, encouragement, and faith to everyone listening. Let this not just be another story, but a divine moment that draws people closer to you. We thank you in advance for what you're about to do with this testimony. In Jesus' mighty name we pray. Amen.

Santa Jones: 3:05

Amen.

Israel Caminero: 3:06

Alright, Santa. So let's start from the beginning. What was life like for you before your walk with God?

Santa Jones: 3:14

Oh, I grew up with my mother and father in the beginning. Um, my dad is from the Dominican Republic. My mom was born here in the U.S. She's African American and um charkhart Indian. My mom was going to church in someone's house. It wasn't an actual church, it was like in their apartment. That's where it started. I was a little girl. She started going there. We started going to church. And the Lord was placed into my heart at that young little age, you know, of five years old, you know, six years old, four years old. So my love for Christ, although, you know, you you're innocent, you really don't understand, you really don't know, but it was planted at such a young age. My mother started dating the pastor, quote unquote, who was married there. And my father and my mother divorced, and it just spiraled from that moment on. It spiraled. I was molested by my biological father, and I don't remember all the episodes that have happened. I think there's one that sticks out in my mind. There's one situation. Other things with my dad was just things that people told me that they either saw or witnessed. So I I I don't like to really speak on that one too much because I was young and I don't it's more of what people quote unquote saw or I must say assume, but I there's one particular time that stands out in my mind. So that happens, and then my mother moves in with this married man, his wife, and children. And it was it was really rough because they mistreated us really bad, me and my siblings. And, you know, now that I'm older, I can look back and say, they really did it. No, you know how kids can be cruel. We we came into their territory, into their home. Right. And we're close to this day, so the children are anyway. And, you know, that that just took like a turn of events of things just happening. Us moving in with them, um, them physically, you know, hitting on us. And as we moved to Minnesota, my mother did a lot of moving. I saw a lot of things happen with my mom, with with multiple men. Knowing that this man was married, I didn't understand it, but I saw him always around and things happening. So my mother has two children from him. My brother and my sister are from him. So I'm with my dad, is me and my brother, and then with him, she has two. So it's four of us from my mom's side. And as I started to get older, things just started getting weirder. He's just started like making like compliments, you know. But you don't think anything of it because at this moment, this was the only man that I had in my life. And now looking back, I can understand why he started to remove the the father, my father out of my life is the way that it happened. But anyway, as I started getting older, I would see that he would become like more strict, more more in my face, you know, things that as a mom you should see, but you don't. Or you not I don't say you don't, you just seem to ignore it. And we went from Christianity to the Hebrew Israelites. So now the religion through a shift. And uh we grew up in a very racist home. We were not allowed to have white friends, we weren't allowed to, so it just went to a like a just complete shift from Christianity to now the strict Hebrew Israelites, you know, racist, um, very aggressive home, you know. It just did a complete 360. And you, as a child, a teenager, you don't know how to shift with that, but you just go along with it. He would start, I would go places with my mom, and he would meet us, and we would go to hotel homes. So I was like the person who would go with her all the time. And they will go into this one particular hotel, and I would sit out in the car and they will go inside. They go to Georgia, they went away, he comes back, and you know, at the time I'm now a little teenager, early teenage years, and you know, boys get a, you know, you start to like boys. And I think that like it was already plotted in his head because he would beat his wife in front of me. Physical abuse, black eyes, busted lips. Um, and I feel that was a put fear in me. And me going to the hotel, I would have to go everywhere with them. Like I could never stay home, never. So it's not like I was a bad kid, I was a good kid. I got straight A's in school. I tutored the children in the neighborhood. So it's not anything in that sense. It was just that he saw an opportunity. And my mother did it. So one day we walk, bro, she says that he wants to for me to be his quote-unquote concubine. So it's some Hebrew Israelites, they had they go well, they also go according to the Old Testament, where they um say that one more than one wife. And so one day he tells her to take me to the doctor to see if I'm a virgin. And at this age, I'm I think it was 13, 1 or 14. And so, anyway, he takes me, she takes me to the doctor, finds out if I'm a virgin, and I'm a virgin, and of course, she reports this back to him. Now, mind you, I'm not understanding why this is happening to me, why I'm at the doctor, why am I laying on this table? Like, you know, this feels so uncomfortable. So it's it was such a violation to me because I I've never even kissed the boy. So this is all just such a violation to me at of all across the board. I'm not under I'm not understanding why this is happening. And she she takes me to the doctor and she reports back to him that I'm still a virgin. So now it goes from that. So she's like, he wants to be, he wants you to be his concubine. This is what my mother, my biological blood mother says to me. And I'm like, no, I don't want to do that. You know, like, no, that's not what I want to do. And because I was saving myself, that was in my mind, you know, even though they followed the Hebrew Israelite law, that's not what I I don't know. Uh the Lord that of um being a Christian was embedded in my spirit already. And that's what I loved because I would read the Bible and things like that. Even though I didn't understand it, I read it, right? I felt intrigued with it. I'm like, I don't want to. So she's like, well, you go tell him. So even though they were we lived in a very physical home, and I would normally cave in to whatever that I just couldn't do. So that was really the first time laughing at me because I stood up for myself, because I said no. They were actually laughing in front of me because I stood up. Like this is a joke. You know, like I'm like, no, I don't want to do that. And make a long story short, um, like I told you, I would do these long walks with my mom and we would meet him. Prior to that, let me just go back. Once I said no, she would make me start going to the store with him. Like the first ride or two, it was like, oh, you know, just casual talk. But I felt so uncomfortable because that never happened, never ever happened. And I felt very just even sitting in a car to me was a violation, yeah, for me, right? Because I didn't want to go. I was forced to go in this car. And mind you, his wife is home. Yeah, so I was put to like go in the car with him, go to the supermarket, go to the stores. Well, it was stated that we were going to the stores. In actuality, we weren't. It was just him driving around. And he would begin to touch me, make me kiss him. Now, mind you, I'm only like 13, 14. This man is in his like 30s, late 30s. As that happens, and then one day we're there, and my mom's like, we're gonna go to the store, come with me. So I go to the store with her and we're walking, but my I'm telling you, my spirits telling me like I'm sweaty. Uh my hands are sweaty, my underarms are sweaty, like I'm just my stomach is turning. I knew something was going to happen. And we get there to the to the car because we will meet them in at this place and get in a car. Normally, I would sit in the back, she was sitting in the front. And this time she's making me sit in the front. And so, where do we go? We go to the hotel. And so I'm sitting there and I'm like, I pray that she's not gonna let me get tell me to get out of this car. I just felt it because everything just did a shift. Why am I in the front seat? You know, um, why are we meeting him now? Just in the way my I was feeling. And um she says, go in the room. Now, this was already premeditated because now that I'm older and I know about hotel rooms, he didn't go get a key. He already had the key. He he got out the car and walked in the room. So it was already, you know, they they they put this plan, this was a their plan.

Israel Caminero: 13:09

They orchestrated it.

Santa Jones: 13:11

Yes. And so she's forcing me now to get out the car. And mind you, like I told you, they were very abuse. I mean, we would get beat with stinch and cords, naked, tied down to chairs and be, you know, black, like, so the I already suffered a lot of physical abuse and verbal abuse, you know. So I'm just like, okay, what do I do? I'm not in the hotel is on a highway. So I don't know anybody. I'm on a highway. Like these are like all of these things is running through my mind, what do I do? And she's yelling, like, get out the car, you know. And as I start to sneak it, like, you know, kind of like creep out the car and and I go into the room, whatever happens, it happens, whatever happens, even in the room, I'm saying no, I don't want to do this. Like, I'm verbalizing this from the moment I've they told me, asked me to to now. So the answer has always been no. You know, this is the nominee. No, no, no, not at all. My mother, I'm only 13, 14 years old. I mean, come on. He's a he's like my old, like my dad, you know? So we get there, that happens. Now I get I go into the bathroom, he opens the door to call her into the room. When I come out the bathroom, they're sitting, he's sitting on the bed, she's sitting in the chair, and they're sitting there having this full-blown conversation, just laughing. Laughing, as if nothing happened. And so many things, like I'm trying to mentally grasp everything that just happened, you know. Like, I'm what happened. I wasn't sexually educated. I I I never kissed a boy, you know. So all of these things, and I'm here, you know, like this is where I'm at. I'm at this place.

Israel Caminero: 15:12

Wow.

Santa Jones: 15:13

For this to be a first for everything, you know what I mean? Like, I didn't even have a say in this.

Israel Caminero: 15:19

And this is your mom, right? This is like your mom.

Santa Jones: 15:22

This is my biological mom. This is my biological blood mom. And it it as time went on, if I didn't do it, I would get beat, I would get beat. I I mean, free, I got beat. Okay. If he's any like, because I never I didn't want to con I didn't want to do it. And as time went on, I have two children from this. So I had I got pregnant at 16 with my daughter, had her at 17, I got pregnant with my son at 17, and I had him at 18. You know, after a while, I was getting beat. You know, you give in. Right. You just give in. It is what it is. This is my life. This is what I'm thinking. This is just my life. This is how I gotta live. As I got older, we we moved because nobody knew where, like, how did this girl? We never see her in the streets. Like, who's her boyfriend? People was asking questions in the neighborhood. And in front of me, my mom was saying she be out in these streets, out with these grown men running, like she is a fast little, like, you know, she these are the things that she's saying to people right in front of me. So not only now am I being sexually abused, I'm being made out to be this little side, you know, this horrible child. And just, you know, she took me out of school because they didn't want me to tell anybody in the school. And we move now. Now we move because it was people were getting curious. And so we move. Now when we get there, I I'm like 18 at this point, 19, and so now they want me to watch the players' club. Pretty much it was to embed in me to be like Lisa Ray. They used to compare me to Lisa Ray.

Israel Caminero: 17:13

I was just gonna ask if I'm sorry, I was just gonna ask if it was the ice cube movie. So yeah. Yeah, yeah. Okay.

Santa Jones: 17:20

Yes, yes. And so, like, oh my god, look at her, she's so beautiful. Look at her. She been, you know, they're doing all of this stuff. And I'm like, I don't want to do that. Like, I'm not doing that. So again, what do they do? They take me to a place where you can buy you outfits to dance in. They now that they get they purchased the outfit and now they're taking me from clubs to clubs to try out out clubs. So pretty much now they're pimping me. Right. Okay, so now they're pimping me. Now, mind you, let me just take this back just a little bit. I started drinking young, right? At like 15 years old, because not that I was wearing my mother would and I have trust me, I got proof and everything, I got pictures and everything to prove this type of stuff. Where we would pretty much have to dance for him. So this was going on at a very young age, and just now it got elevated. Now it's to a stage to make money. And so now they would be at the strip club literally by the end of the night and take my money. This was every day, every day, every day. Never knew about drugs and ac you know, drugs like that. So now I'm getting involved in smoking weed, ecstasy, and the the time that I'm dancing. I'm just I'm dancing in three, four, five different clubs now. I'm working the noon, I'm working at night, and they're taking all my money. Because now I'm I'm not I'm I'm not receiving the money, right? I'm not receiving the money. So now I'm caught up in the lifestyle because, but I'm not making the money. I'm I'm having to drink every day. So I'm drunk every day. And make a long story short, there was a guy there that that likes me, you know. I was attracted to him. I think at this point, I'm maybe like 20 now. I finally I told him, because we would sit down and talk. It was things he wasn't, he didn't drink, he didn't, you know, he just came in. Come to find out he was he was selling drugs. So he would come in here to sell drugs and just walk out. But I didn't, I wasn't getting high with that type of stuff, you know? And so he would just always come and sit down and talk to me. And we just gained this relationship of just great conversation. Never asked for a lab dance, nothing, never did ask for absolutely nothing, just conversation. And that's why I think what it was. It was just something different from everybody else. He really wanted to talk to me, he really wanted to hear me. That's how I felt, right? And so I told him one day what happened. Now, now they're not. Even picking me up anymore. I have to catch a cab home at two, three o'clock in the morning. Now, you know, like where's my safety? So now I'm catching cabs home. So one day he offers to take me home. I tell him what was going on. I just, I don't know what made me tell him. And one day he, you know, back then it was the beepers, beep, beep, beep, beep, you know. And I was now he could put little codes in a beeper. So my mom had my beeper that day. And she he, I guess he does a call through the beeper or whatever. I don't know what happened. And she calls it or finds out that it's him. She runs back to the house and she tells him, you know, she got a man beeping her. You know this, you know. And they beat the living crap out of me. I mean, black eyes, busted lips, ball spots in my head. I mean, bruises down my back. They jumped me. I mean, he's stomping me with combat boots on. Just a just a ruthless beating. Tried to strangle me with the phone cord. And so they pulled the walls out of the wall and they locked me in a room, take the kids out. My siblings were young, they were there. And they told them, like, if you go in there, you guys are gonna get whooped. So I'm in there crying. Now I'm like, this is not the first time this happened, but this was the worst that it has happened, you know? One time I had to run out the house half naked to get away. And so this time I'm just like, if they're gonna kill me next time, like that's what's going through my mind. They're going to kill me if I don't leave. I just didn't know how. But mentally I'm planning. So I, you know, back then it was like the little shop right bags, you know. So I put a little bit of clothes for my daughter, a little bit of clothes in for my son, I tie it up and I throw them out on the side of the window. I'm leaving with the clothes on my back. I didn't know how I was gonna do it. And my sibling comes in and she sees how bad I'm beaten, and she said, What can I do? And I gave her the guy's number and I said, Call him and tell him to come now. Because at one point I was just gonna call the police. I never called the police because of my siblings. That's why I never called. Because I couldn't financially support them, right? And how manipulative my mother would be. People believed everything she said. She could drop a tear and they would believe it. And it showed that later on in my testimony with social services. Like they never believed anything that I said. They just always believed what she would say. And so I just thought about my siblings. Like, what if they go to different homes? What if they, you know, this is the type of stuff that was going through my mind of why I never, just in case if anybody had, like, why she never went to the police, and that was it. And then the fear, and then at the end of the day, that's still my mom. Like, you know, so like me seeing my mother in jail, all of these things is going through my mind. Now I escape and he comes and he picks me up, and you know, I was away for a little while, about six months, eight months, and she lures me back in, but this time she wants to see the children. And make a long story short, social services gives my mother and them the kids through her uh telling me to write this letter. I'm I'm young and dumb. I don't know. You know, I don't know about social services and I don't know that stuff. You know, my mom has been through the court systems with us, she knows how that stuff works. I don't. But she uh some the social services going through that phenomenal thing with Sam back and forth. And then out of court, they had gave the custody to my mom. My mom gave me $200, you can see the kids for a night. Give me a thousand at my car note to pay the car note. So all of this stuff is happening. Finally, I get a social worker, his name, I'm just gonna say Mr. Scotson, and you know, one day he comes to me and he says, I can help you if you tell me what's wrong. I know something is wrong only if you talk to me. And I never had anyone ask me about me. None of them. So the system fails me terribly. So I mind you, they gave me custody of my brother, my biological my brother, his son. I had legal I have legal custody. Well, I had legal custody of him. So the system failed. You can give me my siblings, but you can't give me my children, which was weird.

Israel Caminero: 24:34

Yeah, that is weird.

Santa Jones: 24:35

Right? And you know, my mother kept them, kept my children because she wanted me to have the kids because she couldn't no longer have kids anymore. And that's what I see on her end. And to keep him, right? Don't to keep the man, let me give him what he wants. He wants my daughter here. You know, like, okay, here. You know, he helps me out. We go to court, she wants me to lie and say that he's not the father. And finally, again, I get to stand up for myself. And so because now I have a full table full of high, you know, people, and so like are this is my time to let them hear me. And they at they ask for a um a paternity test, and the next thing you know, they flee the state of New Jersey. So going back and forth of, you know, now I I'm I'm I have my third child, um, I'm engaged, you know, things like that now is happening, but I'm still dancing because that's really the only income that I kind of know to support myself and my family and my children. And just going through that life of ups and downs, of of traumas and abuse, physical abuse. I've dated women, I've dated men, of course, I've tried and experimented drugs. Um, I mean, just just homelessness, just so much stuff I've experienced in and out, you know, looking for God. I was just looking for what that love feeling is, right? What what can take away this hurt, what can take away this pain. I went into new age. I tried being a Catholic. I've tried so many different things, seeking the peace that thankfully that I that I am experiencing today. And just looking for all of those things. So now that he's dead, he recently died a few years ago. His wife died first, he died second, and my mom is living, she's in New Jersey back in New Jersey. And, you know, um when when his wife died, I went to I went to Georgia because it was stated like my kids were his brothers. I was being intimate with my own biological brother, like all the lies to cover up what was going on. And I just felt that I needed to go there. And you know, when I went there, was so much that was revealed to me from his family, from his brother, because he asked me what happened, this is what we're hearing, what is true. And so as I'm telling him what is true, he he reveals to me that he used to play with Ouija boards since the age of eight.

Israel Caminero: 27:22

Wow.

Santa Jones: 27:23

He he was into fire, he was into like that demonic thing anyway. But now living for the Lord, I came to the Lord um it this month, made two years, surrendered unto the Lord, serving him fully with all my heart, with all my heart. You know, my first year, the Lord threw me into, I like to say he threw me into it because I never was taught on deliverance and generational curses. I didn't know about that stuff. I didn't, I never heard about it, right? And so fasting and praying, like I didn't know about those things. So the Holy Spirit really carried me in that year of learning and he was teaching me all of these things. And as I was fasting, I'm I'm like, what show me? Why did this happen? You know, because I have so many questions when this man died that would never be answered. My mom is living, but she won't answer them. I needed the Lord to answer me. And he gave me answers, he gave me the answers, and I had to learn to forgive too. That's another big thing that I think that we talk about all of these things and reading our word and praying and reading our word and praying, and thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, there shall not all of these things, but we also have to let go of the unforgiveness in our heart and the bitterness, and not saying that it's easy because I still deal with those things. But the more that I say it, the light is lifted up, you know. Like I forgive my mom. I love my mom. I I speak to her from time to time. It's not in that like come over, have dinner type thing, right? But she still claims to be a Hebrew Israelite. She still idolizes this man, although he's dead. So I just pray for her. I have to show her what Christ has is really about by my love. That's good, right? And I and I forgive her because vengeance is mine, saith the Lord. In that word, it does not say vengeance is Santa's, it says vengeance is mine. It's my father, it's a it's a it's my father until she repents. So I'm more concerned about her soul because I understand that this is a spiritual warfare. See, when when he asked her to see if I was a virgin, that was the enemy, that was Satan himself, because blood is a sacrifice. So my blood was a sacrifice unto the enemy unto his altar. And so when the Lord revealed that to me, because he used to also do witchcraft, and he used my mother and him used to always, they used to do witchcraft, they used to literally build altars. And one day he invited me in to do this prayer, quote unquote, with them. And when I'm in there and I'm like, this is so weird. The lights are out, they got candles lit, they chanting. And mind you, they had the Bible in the middle of the altar. They had the Bible open in the middle of the altar. Wow. And he starts screaming to me, get out, get out of here, like you know, because right then now I look back, the Lord said, daughter, I had my hands on you the whole time. It may not look like it, right? And I want your audience to hear this. A lot of times we realize we really don't understand why things happen to us, even when it's horrible. That does not mean that God wants those things to happen to you. So what the Holy Spirit has led me to know, right, is that he allowed me to, I had family members calling me. I mean, when I was fasting and praying, asking the Lord, what do I need to break off my generational curses off my family, off my bloodline? What he showed me was that rape, molestation, incest is very heavy on my bloodline. It's very, very heavy. My family's been practicing witchcraft on both ends, that's Santaria on one and witchcraft on the other, hoodoo and voodoo. I didn't know that my family bloodline from my mother's side extended from New Orleans. I didn't know that. So the Lord had to show me that. I had family members calling me telling me that I have a cousin who down the line, she was molested, she was having being intimate, being molested, touching on her own son. And the cut the boys in the family. There were men in the family. This is the pretty much majority of the families on my mother's bloodline is all been, they either have mental issues, mental issues is very heavy, and molestation and rape and incest.

Israel Caminero: 32:05

Well, I mean, from you to start describing what was happening to to me in your testimony, you know, how she obeyed this man and how she just didn't see anything wrong with it. Obviously, there was something happening as far as her being oppressed or you know, just even in that realm. You know, because no mother would do that whatsoever to their child. And I just praise God that you offered forgiveness, you know, because forgiveness is hard, especially with what you went through. But the forgiveness that you gave her probably brings inner peace to you, and that's what matters.

Santa Jones: 32:52

Yes, it does. It makes me, and there's times where I'm like, Lord, save her. Now it went from I forgive her, I forgive her to Lord, let her see you the way that I see you. Lord, God allow her to see herself the way that you see her. Let her know that her sins are forgiven. I pray that she repents before she leaves this earth. Because at the end of the day, it's about a soul. And really, I want people like just really write a list down of those that have hurt you and harmed you. Because a lot of times those are the blockages that are are that is blocking us to our next blessing, to our next elevation, because that's what the enemy wants us. He wants us in that bitterness and in that hurt state, and you're still bounded, you know, to those chains.

Israel Caminero: 33:41

That's right.

Santa Jones: 33:42

And we have to just let that go because the Lord will if I just the Lord will handle it. He will handle it. Because I think in society we we believe that forgiveness means that I have to interact with these people again. And that's not necessarily true. And that was me. I thought that. But it's not. If she texts me, it's you know, hey, how are you? I love you, and I c and I leave it. But I don't have to say, hey, come in my house, we're having Thanksgiving dinner, come on over.

Israel Caminero: 34:19

That's right.

Santa Jones: 34:20

You know what I mean? But I love her. The Lord knows my heart is sincere. I I love, I I hate the demons that are dwelling in her, but I love her as my mother.

Israel Caminero: 34:33

Right. Not only that, you know, when we forgive, we stop letting the past have power over us. You know, it doesn't excuse what was done. It simply releases us from curing the pain any longer. That's and that's where the emotional healing starts to begin. So I get exactly what you're saying. And and nine times out of ten, when some someone does wrong to someone, that's the main thing right there is you don't want to forgive that person.

Santa Jones: 35:00

Uh-huh.

Israel Caminero: 35:01

If you read the Bible, we got forgiven. God forgave us for all our sins. So who are we to not forgive someone for their sins, but that's our flesh, you know, that takes over and our pride and everything like that. You know, there's people that are church hurt. Yeah. Yeah, there's people that get church hurt, you know, and the church didn't hurt people. People hurt people, you know. I get exactly what you're saying, and I and I I commend you for just obeying and forgiving. Because if not, you would carry that hurt throughout your life if you still didn't forgive them. No matter what happened, and and I'm sorry that all that stuff happened to you. No person should have to go through that. But you forgave them, just like God forgave us.

Santa Jones: 35:52

You know, it reminds me of Joseph, right? Because I went through stuff with my siblings as well, and everything. That so that's a whole nother thing. And it reminds me of Joseph. I always say, like, I'm Joseph and David. You know, that he could have he could have not fed his family, right? But you'll be the one that God uses to bring them in. And I pray that Lord use me as you see fit. Use me, Lord God, because my this life is not about me. If he did it for me, he could do it for anybody. I should not even be me, love the Lord the way that I do. I've been, this was supposed to be a pastor. Come to find out he really wasn't a pastor, guys. He he was he knew the word like the back of his hands, but he was using it as a way of manipulation. Um, he was printing out certificates and and hanging them up, saying that he was a pastor, guys. So just because someone knows the word, the devil knows the word, the enemy knows the word of God, right? But how much do we know it to know what's true or not? That's right. So that's why it's important for us to know our word, study our word, and have a relationship with God and not with man. So my mother idolized that man, but she never she didn't idolize God.

Israel Caminero: 37:14

That's that's and the Bible says it. There's wolves in sheep's clothing, and here's a perfect example of one.

Santa Jones: 37:22

Yes. And so, you know, my relationship with God, he's revealed so many different things to me. And I've also been church hurt, right? And so I am someone who probably, you know, I saw people like you, yes. The Lord said, I'm gonna pull you out of it all, you know, and he did. He really did. I struggled with pornography and masturbation and things like that, you know, because those open doors from when you when you're young or whenever that stuff happens to you, those are all open doors. And the Lord just really did a P60 in my life, I'm telling you, and I'm just so grateful. And and if I can be at this place right now, if I had to do go through all of that all over again to be at this place where I'm at now, I will go through it again. And I say that because there's no love like the Lord, there's no peace like the Lord's peace. I'm not saying every day is like sunshines and rainbows, right? In a physical, because I'm fighting a spiritual battle every day. Every day is a spiritual battle. But I'm clear-minded. I'm not drinking. I'm two years sober as of Saturday. I'll be come two years fully sober in just like the trauma, the depression, the anxiety, the PTSD, all of that stuff. My lack of like how I viewed myself, the anger, the hatred, the embarrassment, I would have never been sharing my testimony. But now it's like the Lord had to break those chains off of me.

Israel Caminero: 39:08

That's right. So you said you've been saved for two years now, and I I got a few questions I want to ask you. You know, when you first got saved, what was the breaking point or what did you see that day that made you reach out to God and what did the healing process look like?

Santa Jones: 39:28

So it really, now that I'm looking back, so when my mom first came back from um Georgia here, I didn't want nothing to do with her, of course. She showed up on my doorstep and my aunt was here visiting. And, you know, I think me just approaching my mom, even though I wasn't surrendered to God yet. I was not surrendered yet, okay? But um just me saying at that point, like I had to forgive her because it was it was destroying me internally. I was drinking every single day. But I wasn't surrendered to God yet. But at that point, I do realize as I look back, the Lord was working on. I never listened to Joe Osteen a day in my life. And I don't listen to him now. But you know, I started listening to him of all times. And I would hear things, and it was like God was directly talking to me. And then after that, I wanted to. Um, I told you I had a pornography masturbation addiction. And I don't know, I don't want to go too deep into spirit spouses, but that's what I was dealing with. And one day I heard the Lord, I'm getting up early in the morning. My thing was every morning to do that, to masturbate every morning. It was like three, four times a day. It was bad. And I heard, but I wasn't, there was no pleasure to me. And I'm like, what is happening? What is this? Like it was like I was feeding some spirit. That's what it was. It was like I was feeding my energy. It was like something was taking my energy. And I heard the Lord say, throw them away, which was my tools, my toys, you know, throw them away, throw them away. And I'm like, who is talking to me? Like, you know, and so I wanted to do it anyway. I just didn't have the strength to throw these things away. And I went and I threw them away. The moment that I lift my hands off that bag to throw that in the garbage, it was like a weight, like I just unzipped and took off a weight vest. And it was like, oh my gosh, what was that? Like, oh my goodness, what was that? Like, I it was a literal, like it's like spirit, like a big weight just came off of me. And so that really was like the harsh beginning of as I was driving to work that morning, I'm like, was that God? Was that God? Like it started, you know, and then his voice started to, he started to talk to me. And my job I didn't even surrender just yet. But he began to just whisper in my ear words, things. And then after that, I I heard about like the Beyond thing, you know, from uh prophetess Tiffany Montgomery. And then I was like one of the number one fans, and the and then I started, the Lord just started witnessing to me through that, actually from my daughter. And I started researching the words and what the music really meant. And little by little, the word the the Lord was ministering to me. And then one day in my shower, mind you, I was so depressed, my back was against the wall. I I thought about committing suit. I mean, you know, I wanted to check myself into a mental institution, but all of those things was going on, but but little by little, he was breaking the chains. He was showing things, showing me things. And just one day in my shower, I just gave myself to the I gave myself to the Lord. I said, Lord, I'm your daughter. I have nowhere else to go. I don't know what you want me to do. If you're real, you need to reveal yourself. You need to take this away from me. I don't know what to do. Like, I'm done. Like, that's just what I was saying. Like, I'm done as I'm showering, I'm bawling. I'm gonna check myself into a mental institution. This cannot be my life, you know. Like, and I mean, he just drastically started doing those changes in my life for me, throwing the toys away, from me. Um, I I would drink a glass of wine and I would get sick to my stomach. I would, I would, you, I mean, I would get so sick. And he just started turning things around. So that one day, the 18th, he completely took the taste of alcohol, cigarettes, weed away from me, like just drastically. Like the complete taste just went out of my mouth. The smell made me sick.

Israel Caminero: 43:51

He was pruning it.

Santa Jones: 43:53

Yeah, it was just like I just surrendered. I mean, I that was it. I had nowhere else to go. I tried everything. What where else was I going? Right. Where else can I go? Nothing else helped. It all put me in a worse situation. So when I cried out to him that day, that was it. Because he already, he already took away the masturbation and pornography thing. So now he went from taking removing that to now removing from him hearing my my mouth speak. I surrendered. And my heart was sincere. And I think that's very important that we should know is that we that our hearts have to be sincere when we say this. He's not saying that you gotta change because we he gets the glory. If you change, oh, look what I did, look what I did. No, just surrender to him. I don't know your way. You real Lord? I need you to show me, help me. I have anxiety. Take this away. Show me, help me. He's going to do it. He's going to do it. We have to stop trying to do something that he told me that. He said, I'd be when I went with family trying to change. He's like, you couldn't even change yourself, but you're trying to change someone else. I can't, I couldn't change me. So if I could give one thing to your audience, it would definitely be surrender to him. Talk to him as if you're talking to your best friend. He's listening, and you don't have to change you. That's what he's there for. He's there to change you. Just talk to him. Read a scripture. Read a chapter. He doesn't, it's not the deeds where we gotta check off in the checkbox. I did this, I did that, I did this. Do you have faith in him? Are you open to learning? Do you do you do you love him? Do you want to get to love know him? It's okay. You can say, I want to get to know you, but I don't know. It's okay. Be real with God. Because that's the real that's that's the real OG on your side.

Israel Caminero: 46:02

Okay. That's right. Amen to that. You know, some people are just they're scared of the unknown. And and the, you know, the control as far as you speak about Jesus and God, and they just they're quick to shut you down because I I just don't get it.

Santa Jones: 46:23

Uh I see people it's the religious aspect. Yeah. You know, it's I'm sorry that religion, and I was part of that. Religion had taken a hold of me, you know, and that's what I was thinking. But have a relationship with God. I'm not saying don't go to church. Excuse me, I'm not saying any of that. What I'm saying is talk to God and build your relationship with Him.

Israel Caminero: 46:50

That's right. Santa, I just want to say thank you for your testimony and for sharing for being so transparent. Thank you. I do have some questions I want to ask you before we close, but I just wanted to say thank you for your transparency and the way you just delivered everything, no sugarcoat or anything. You just told it how it was. But my first question I want to ask you is there a Bible verse or a life verse that stuck with you when you read it in the Bible and what that Bible verse is and what it means to you?

Santa Jones: 47:27

Okay, so uh I'm glad you asked that. It's so many. Right. But lately it's been Isaiah 40 and 31. And this is what my ministry is built on. And I if I don't, if you don't mind, can I read that to you?

Israel Caminero: 47:43

Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

Santa Jones: 47:45

Okay, I'm reading it from the Amplified Version, and it says, But those who wait for the Lord, who expect, look for, and hope in him, will gain new strength and renew their power. They will lift up their wings and rise up close to God like eagles rising toward the sun. They will run and not become weary, they will walk and not grow tired. And for those who wait for the Lord, who expect and look for and hope in him. Because of the Lord, my hope in Christ, my hope in and and what my I don't even say like I I don't expect from man because they all fail me every time. But I go to my father with, you know, Lord, not for his will to be done, right? But like a little girl, like a little toddler, I look for him. My expectations is in God, my hope is in God, my faith is in him, my you know, my love is into him. And when I put him first, I will gain new strength and renew power that I can't do, nor man. And it says they will lift up their wings and rise up close to God, close to God. And so that's what I think of when I say and rise like eagles towards the sun. I will run and not be weary, and I will I won't be tired. When when we and I realize even with my walk with Christ now, when I'm when I'm not really reading the way that I should, I'm not really seeking him. I I get the weariness really comes. Right? But he is my strength, he's my comforter. My hope, my faith lies in him.

Israel Caminero: 49:51

That's right.

Santa Jones: 49:52

So right now, that is what's been uh a scripture that I've been focusing on. That's a good one lately.

Israel Caminero: 49:59

That's a very good one. It reminds us that our human strength is limited, but God provides limitless strength when we put our trust in him. So that's a very good uh verse that you chose as your life verse because it shows about hope, perseverance, and divine empowerment. Why you're going through trials and you went through trials. You went through trials, but look where you're at now.

Santa Jones: 50:29

Goodness of God, his faithfulness. I just want your audience to know before we do go that God will never leave you nor forsake you. He is such a promise keeper. Even in, I don't care if you have a needle to your arm, I don't care where you're at right now, I don't care what sins you have committed. He is waiting for your yes. He is waiting for you to surrender, he is waiting to be your guide, he is there to be your father, not like your biological parents. He wants to show you real love. He wants to show you how special and important and loved you really are.

Israel Caminero: 51:21

Amen.

Santa Jones: 51:21

You can't go wrong with just giving God a try.

Israel Caminero: 51:26

That's right. And he's just waiting, like you said earlier. He hasn't forgotten about you, he sees you, he's just waiting for you to surrender. That's it. So but now we're going to my back to the past section of the podcast. And what my back to the past section is, if the Santa Jones of today can go back and talk to the younger Santa, what would you say to her and why?

Santa Jones: 51:56

I I I'm telling you, I think that is that that is a very sentimental, like a very uh soft thing, I guess, to ask. Like, you know, like emotional, I should say.

Israel Caminero: 52:13

Right. You know, if you gotta if you gotta drop some tears, drop some tears. It's okay, you know.

Santa Jones: 52:23

If I could go back to my younger self and knowing what I know now, or just if I if this Sansa could talk to that little Sansa.

Israel Caminero: 52:32

Knowing what you know now.

Santa Jones: 52:34

I I would have given my life to Christ sooner because I was in church and I I would have seeked to more. Um, but one thing I do want to say, if I could talk to the little Sansa, is you are loved, you are beautiful, and none of this was your fault. Because that little santa was broken for so many years that it took me to be in my 40s to be at this heel, please. So that little trauma, beat down, broken girl carried on until in my 40s. So I would just let her know that God never left you, He was there, and He chose you to be the generational curse breaker, He chose you to be the chosen one, and so that would be something that, and I I got this with I have the Lord by my side, so that would be something I would be I will definitely let her know that she was designed, she was created for greatness.

Israel Caminero: 53:54

That's right, that's right.

Santa Jones: 53:56

And I and if I'm I know we gotta go. I just want to say this one thing. A lot of times when we go through turmoil in our life, right? There's a calling on your life. I want your I hope your listeners listen to this one part. There is a calling on some of your lives. Really, many are called, but few are chosen. And some of you are chosen, and you don't understand why it's so hard. Why am I going through this? Why the why the why? You are chosen for greatness, you're chosen to be the generation generational curse breaker. You are chosen to carry a nation. You are created for a time as this.

Israel Caminero: 54:44

That's right. That's right.

Santa Jones: 54:46

So I just wanted to say that.

Israel Caminero: 54:49

Hey, I'm glad you did. But Santa, I just want to say one more time, thank you for being so open and transparent.

Santa Jones: 54:57

Thank you. Thank you.

Israel Caminero: 54:59

You can really feel God's presence in your story. It's powerful to see how He's taken broken pieces and turned them into something so beautiful. Your story is a reminder that God's grace has no limits. No matter how far we think we've gone, he's always right there waiting for us.

Santa Jones: 55:17

Amen, Lord. Thank you, Father.

Israel Caminero: 55:19

But before we close, do you think you could pray over us?

Santa Jones: 55:23

Sure, sure. Father God, we thank you for this day that you have created, that you have woke us up this morning in our right minds, Lord God. We just thank you, Father, for bringing us together to glorify your name, to exalt your greatness, Father God, that you are a merciful God, a gracious God, Lord. And we just want to say thank you for who you are, Lord. We thank you for each and every listener on today, Father God, that this testimony of your goodness, your awesomeness, Lord God, goes through, Lord. And if it just changes one person to surrender their life unto you, then well done. Lord God, we just ask that whether it's today, tomorrow, years from now, Father God, that somebody listens to this podcast and they say, What must I do to be changed? What must I do to serve such an awesome God? That someone will surrender their hearts and their life unto you, Lord God, and that they will have a testimony of sharing of your greatness, Lord God. And we just thank you for this day. We thank you for each and every listener, Father God, on this day. We thank you for who you are. We thank you for my brother here, Israel, Father God. Continue to touch him, Lord. Continue to build his ministry, Father God. Lord, we just ask that you just use him in a mighty, mighty way for the nations, Lord. And we just glorify you on today. We exalt your mighty name, Lord. And Lord, we just want to give you the praise and the glory and the honor that we get to even go from a story, Lord, to a testimony, Father God, because it was just a test, Lord. And we thank you that you did not give up on us, but you continue to chase after us, Father God, even when we were deep and darkened out the sins. You still said that that is my daughter, that is my son. And we just say thank you for your loving heart, Lord. And we praise your mighty name on today, and we just give you the glory in Jesus' name. Amen.

Israel Caminero: 57:26

Amen. Amen. Thank you for that powerful prayer, Santa. And thank you again for joining me today and for allowing God to use your story to inspire others.

Santa Jones: 57:37

Yeah, thank you. Thank you so much. Uh I'm just looking forward to us connecting, you know, again. And just thank you for having me. I appreciate it.

Israel Caminero: 57:48

I appreciate you as well. My listeners probably appreciate your testimony also. I'm sure someone I mean, I would we would hope not, but I'm sure someone might be going through the same thing you went through as we speak right now, and that's what listening to stories like this is good to let them know that there's someone out there that can take them out of that pit.

Santa Jones: 58:11

Yes, Lloyd.

Israel Caminero: 58:13

But I just want to say to everyone listening, remember, no matter what we've gone through, God's not done with your story. Share this episode with someone who needs to hear it, and let's continue spreading hope together. Until next time, I'm your host, Israel Camanero, with Living Testimony. Your story is glory.