When Hope Hurts: A Mother's Journey of Trust and Triumph - Kris McBride

Join me as I welcome Kris McBride to the podcast, a remarkable woman who has walked through the fire of adversity and emerged with a powerful story of hope, trust, and transformation.

Kris shares her heart-wrenching journey of watching her son Andrew battle leukemia and later a rare kidney cancer, and the rollercoaster of emotions that came with it. With raw honesty, Kris reveals how she struggled to hold onto hope and her faith, even questioning God's goodness in the midst of tragedy.

Yet, through the darkest of times, Kris discovered a deeper understanding of God's character and a more profound trust in His goodness. Join us as Kris shares her inspiring story of resilience, faith, and the power of hope, even when it hurts.

Links to connect with Kris McBride:

Website

Pushing Back the Darkness Book

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Transcript

Israel Caminero: 0:03

Thank you so much for tuning in to today's episode. I'm grateful for your support and for being part of this community. If you've been enjoying the podcast so far, I'd love it if you could take a minute to leave a review. Your feedback helps me reach more people and share these inspiring stories with others. Let's spread the word. Please share this podcast with your friends and family, and if you haven't already, be sure to like and subscribe for new episodes. To stay connected and up to date on all the latest news, updates, and exclusive content, head over to my Facebook page, Living Testimonies. While you're there, be sure to subscribe to my newsletter. The link is on the page. Thanks again for listening, and I'll catch you in the next episode. With me today, I have Kris McBride, and she's here to share her story. Can you introduce yourself, everyone? Chris?

Kris McBride: 1:26

Sure. Um I um have been married for 38 years, and we were blessed with three kids. I've been in church ministry 20 years and have an MA in religion. I recently published my first book, um, Pushing Back the Darkness, Finding Hope in Life's Valley. But my heart is to just really help people grow in their relationship with God and know that He is with them and for them.

Israel Caminero: 1:55

Amen. Amen. And she's here to share her testimony and her story, and you get to hear it here. But before we get started, I'd like to pray over us, and I like to say, Dear Heavenly Father, we lift up Chris to you today as she prepares to share her story on this podcast. We ask that you would give her courage, clarity, and compassion as she shares the ups and downs of her journey. May her words be infused with your hope, love, and faithfulness, and may they bring comfort, encouragement, and inspiration to all who listen. We pray that you would use Chris's story to remind us that you are good, loving, and faithful, even in the midst of uncertainty and hardship. Give Chris your peace as she shares her story, your presence, and your power, as she shares her hearts with us today. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen.

Kris McBride: 2:45

Amen.

Israel Caminero: 2:46

So, Chris, the platform is all yours right now. If you could just start from the beginning, if you knew Christ then or not, could you share with everyone how you came to Christ?

Kris McBride: 2:57

Absolutely. Um, so I was blessed to have a mom that um I really grew up in church. And in second grade, my Sunday school teacher, Mrs. Basili, um, kind of shared with that Jesus died on the cross um for our sins and that God wants us with him and asked who wanted Jesus to be their savior. And I accepted um Christ at the age of eight. And I will say, like for a little kid, I took it seriously. Like I'd read my Bible and I'd pray and I'd talk with God throughout the day. But I think um there wasn't necessarily a depth, right? Because you're young. I was involved in my high school youth group, um, went to a singles group while I was in college and met my husband through that. Um and I loved God, but I can remember like reading the Bible and thinking, oh, that's interesting, or oh, I wonder why that's in there. And then I'd hear the pastor teach on it, and I'd be like, wow, like that's that's incredible. And I finally went to somebody, um, an older lady at my church, and I said, you know, I said, I think something's wrong with me. And she's like, oh my gosh, what's going on? I'm like, I just don't really understand the Bible. And she asked me if when I read before I read, if I asked God for wisdom and discernment. And that sounds like such a simple thing, but um, when I started doing that, I really saw my walk with the Lord take off. And all of a sudden, I seemed to have this deeper understanding of his word. And um Dave and I ended up having three kids. Um, when our son was nine months old. Um, I took him in for his checkup. And as I was sitting in the waiting room, I had this overwhelming feeling that he had leukemia, but that he was going to be okay. And then the words, trust in the Lord, came into my mind, and I'm like, this is crazy. Like, why would I even think this? And he had been sick with a cold and been sleeping a little bit more. Long story short, at their nine-month checkup, they checked their hemoglobin. And when they did that test, it actually came up like 2.5. It was really low. The doctor really was not concerned. They thought it was um something was wrong with the test. They had me do it, had did it again on him, and um it came up the same. So he's like, you know what, it's late. Tomorrow morning, first thing, here's um, go get his blood work done. And he I got a call, and he ended up having not just leukemia, but a really aggressive one. It's called AML, and they gave him less than a 25% chance of survival, and that was with um him having a bone marrow transplant. Fortunately, we lived 20 minutes away from AI DuPont Children's Hospital, and they were absolutely fantastic. And um, we saw God work in amazing years that first year, and I just kind of kept holding on to that word, trust in the Lord. And right after he was diagnosed, I was reading Proverbs, and um I came to Proverbs 3, 5 through 6, and it says, trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. Acknowledge him in all your ways, and he will direct your path. And I will just say that trust in the Lord and lean not on your own understanding is what got me through that. We saw a few miracles. One of them was that my blood has double antigens. So instead of Andrew getting half of Dave's and half of mine, he got all my antigens, which at that time made me a perfect match for Bomero transplant. And the chances of that happening are like less than 1%. So we went in for the Bomero transplant up at a hospital in Philadelphia, and it went fairly smooth. We were told we'd be there like 12 weeks. And about a week after transplant, he got this low-grade fever. And um, of course, that was a huge concern because he had no immune system left. They wouldn't let us spend the night at that hospital. So Dave and I went to the Ronald McDonald house. And the next morning we got a call very early in the morning, and the nurse said his fever's rate raised up a little bit. There's a little bit of labored breathing. You all better come. So we literally like almost ran to the hospital. I was holding him, and all of a sudden, it was like someone turned on a stove, and I just felt all this heat radiating from the top of his head, and his temperature just began to climb. I think it was like at 101.2, and then all of a sudden, it was just steadily climbing. And before I could say to Dave, I think you should call the nurse, all the alarms went off. And all these nurses and doctors rushed into the room and they started working on him. Initially, he was still in my lap, and I can just remember thinking, oh my gosh, I'm holding my son as he's dying. And I just began praying to the Lord, like, Lord, please spare our son. But um, we had been in the children's hospital a lot, and we saw a lot of marriages fall apart. So I was like, Lord, I just pray that you would protect our son. But like if it's his time, I just pray that you would protect Dave's and my relationship and our relationship with you. And um, they moved him on the bed, and Dave and I just kind of stood in the corner and really felt like we were watching our son die. And about after 15 minutes, his temperature began to lower and like we grabbed each other's hand because we really thought, oh my gosh, this is it. And then it stabilized right at 100. And the doctors and nurses stopped working. They kind of looked up, they realized we were still in the room. And the one doctor said, I'm not exactly sure just what happened, but he seemed stabilized at the moment. Um, we're not gonna move him into ICU, but we're just gonna keep a close watch on him. And um, I knew in that moment that God spared our son. He was 15 months old. And um, the other miracle that happened is we were told we'd be in there about 12 weeks. It would take for my bone marrow to engraft into his bones. And 18 days after transplant, the doctor walked into the room, or actually, I think it was 16, and said, You're not gonna believe this, but it seems like his bone marrow has engrafted. We're gonna keep him another day or two just to be sure. And we left the hospital 18 days after transplant, which uh we were just so incredibly grateful. And um, I would say, you know, that year Andrew was actually diagnosed two months to the day after my mom passed away from a battle with breast cancer. And then in October, our five-year-old daughter Amanda was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. So it was one heck of a year. But um, we'd seen God work in so many ways, and we were just so thankful. But one of the things they did tell us is it was possible, even though I was a perfect match for the bone marrow transplant, that my bone marrow could look at his body and say there's something foreign in Chris and start attacking it. It's called graf versus host disease. And that did um begin to happen a little bit, but the doctor said that's actually good. If there's any leukemia cells left, that would destroy it. So they put him on um all kinds of anti-rejection medicine. And for the next year, um, you know, it seemed like he was doing really good. Um, right after that, we found out I was pregnant with our third child, Kelly, and she was born October 30th, 1995. And that Thanksgiving, so just three about three weeks later, um, Andrew woke up and he had a slight fever. And because he was on so many drugs that suppressed the immune system, anytime he got a fever, he had to go in the hospital. So I called the doctors at um AI and they said, you know what? You are so on the ball. What do you think? And I said, Well, he seems fine, he, but he does have this low-grade fever. And they said, We know you just had Kelly. It's Thanksgiving Day. Keep a watch on him. And if anything changes, call us and we'll meet you in the ER. So a couple hours later, he just started seeming really lethargic, and something just seemed off to me. So I called up the doctor, told him that. They said, That's fine, bring him in. And Dave's like, you know what? I'll take him to the ER. You take the girls to Thanksgiving dinner. That might seem like, oh my gosh, what kind of parent? But he was always going in the hospital for low-grade fever, so it wasn't a big deal. It was pretty common.

Israel Caminero: 12:18

Did he have a port or anything like that, or no?

Kris McBride: 12:22

Um, at that time, he no longer had a port. He had a port um while he went through the chemotherapy and the bone marrow transplant, but after he leveled off, um, there was no need for a port. He didn't need blood transfusions or anything like that.

Israel Caminero: 12:39

Okay. So I was just asking. I'm sorry, I was just asking because usually uh leukemia is probably different, but you know, when they have ports and they have a fever, you automatically have to take them to the hospital also.

Kris McBride: 12:51

Right, yes, and that's true. Like if there was any redness around his port, I'd have to do that. So we just finished dinner, I just finished feeding Kelly, and the phone rang, and I said, Oh, I'll get it. It's probably Dave. It was before cell phone. So I pick up the line and I'm like, hey, and it was David, and he said, Oh, Chris. And I'm like, what's going on? And he said, by the time we got to the hospital, I brought Andrew in. They took one look at him, brought him straight back, and they began working on him. He was going into shock. He said they've been working on him for over an hour. Um, he's finally stabilized, but he's an ICU and they don't know if he's gonna make it through the night.

Israel Caminero: 13:38

Oh no.

Kris McBride: 13:39

I was at my in-laws, there were like 20 people there, I think. And I just turned to everybody and said, I have to go to the hospital. Kelly was just fed. We'll call. And I just took off. I went up into the ICU and he was laying there and he's just crying and screaming. And I went over to him and I'm like, hey, bud, mom's here, mommy loves you. And like, it was like he was looking through me. And Dave was like, Chris, like, it doesn't seem like he knows us. And I'm like, what? And then the doctor came in and he said, we just got the results of the brain scan. And um, it appears that there has been some damage to his brain from going into shock. And he said, um, you know, that probably explains the paralysis and why he doesn't seem to recognize you. And I'm like, wait, paralysis? Where is he paralyzed? And Dave's like, I didn't get a chance to tell you, but it seems like he doesn't have use of his legs. And the doctor said, to be honest, you might not ever get your son back if he lives. And I said, What do you mean get our son back? And he's like, it's very possible that if he lives, the person you knew will not be there. That, you know, there is some brain damage, and we'll just have to see how that affects him.

Israel Caminero: 15:07

Oh no. How did you process that news?

Kris McBride: 15:11

Well, um, not very well. Number one, you know, I'm very hormonal. I just had a baby. Um, and I was just shocked. He was two and a half years old, and I looked at Dave and I said, I'm so sorry. I can't stay here tonight. And he's like, Well, you need to go take care of Kelly anyway. And um, he's like, Call me when you get home. So I went and picked Kelly up from the in-laws. Um, my mother-in-law kept Amanda, and I took Kelly home and I put her in the bed. And then I just kind of had a fit with God. I was like, you know what? My mom died, and I praised you and thanked you that I had a wonderful mom for 26 years. And I said, Amanda was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes, and I praised you and thanked you that it wasn't cancer. And I said, We've trusted you with Andrew's leukemia, but this is too much. And then I really believed Satan fed me a lie. And I said, It just seems like the closer I get to you, God, the more bad things happen. So I know you've done miracles. Thank you for the miracles you've done, but I'm just gonna take a step back.

Israel Caminero: 16:22

Oh.

Kris McBride: 16:23

It was a very, I never said anything to Dave, but um that week, Andrew seemed, it was like everything stayed the same a couple days. Then he seemed to know who we were. On day five, he was able to walk. He left the hospital seven days later, but his motor skills definitely weren't the same that they were before. And I will tell you, I was just mad. And it was so easy not to go to church because I had a new baby. Andrew wasn't really supposed to be around a bunch of people, and um, I don't remember a lot about that winner, but what I do remember is Kelly was an excellent baby, and Andrew cried a lot. Um, they thought they finally figured out that he had a toxicity to one of um his medicines, cyclosporin, and they believe that's what um caused the shock, and adults that get that get migraine, so they put him on migraine um medicine, and that helped for a little bit, but then his skin and his um flexibility just kept getting tighter and tighter. And I would take him up to the hospital where he had the transplant, and they would say, Yeah, he's got a little bit of graph versus host disease. We'll just check it. And I'm like, but something's wrong. And they're like, Oh, he was traumatized from being in the hospital. And I was like, he's not traumatized from being in the hospital, he's grown up in the hospital, but I couldn't seem to get them to um really take things seriously. Um, although I was very thankful for him when he went um for his bone marrow transplant, he still had 15% leukemia blast. And it was a miracle that they agreed to do the bone marrow transplant and that the insurance company agreed to pay for it. So, you know, I was frustrated with them, but they they kept him alive so far. And then we had his third birthday on March 27th, and all from Thanksgiving to the end of March, I had ignored God. And it was horrible. He was so stiff, he kind of moved like Frankenstein's monster. It like his face was so tight, he could only open his mouth enough. It would take like three bites for him to eat a grape. Um, and we had a birthday party for him, and it was just horrible. Like, even the kids knew he was really sick. Everybody was kind of thinking this is gonna be his last birthday. And I think the stress of that threw me into an asthma attack. So um I ended up having to go to the hospital and my heart was out of rhythm, and it took him a while to stabilize me. And once they did, I was finally alone in the room, and I came to this realization that even if Andrew died, it would not be um as difficult as not having that daily personal relationship with the Lord. And I just cried out to him. I said, I am so sorry, please forgive me. But it's just so hard to watch my son suffer. And it wasn't an audible voice, but in my spirit, I heard God say, I know, I watched my son suffer and I could have stopped it, but I loved you too much. And I will tell you that one thought changed everything. Because in that moment I realized God understands all of our suffering. And like when you think about what Jesus went through on the cross, and he didn't have to. At any moment, he could have said, I'm out of here, you know? And I know as a mom, I would have would move heaven and earth for to save any of my kids. And for God to know that he could say, you know what, they're not worth it. But here's the thing: God loves all of us just as much as he loves Jesus, because, right, he's a simple being, so he doesn't change. So all his attributes are always the same. And that realization really changed everything for me. Um, so once I got out of the hospital, um I kind of had this new, you know, I'm back to praying and, you know, just realizing how good God is. And um I took him back to AI DuPont Children's Hospital. And the oncologist there, the whole team was amazing, but the head oncologist was just fantastic. And I took him in, kind of told her everything that had happened. And she's like, oh my gosh. She said, We're admitting him right away. It is graph versus host disease. I'm gonna take charge of coordinating all of his specialists, which that had been on me. Um, and she said, here's the reality. We're gonna try like crazy to keep him from ending up in a wheelchair, but we're probably he's probably not gonna regain any of the flexibility he lost. Um, you guys are gonna have therapies four hours a day, six days a week, probably for about six weeks while you're he's in the hospital. And then after you're gonna have to bring him to the hospital five days a week for all these therapies. You're probably gonna have to do stuff at home. And if we're lucky, he's not gonna lose anything. And I looked at her and I said, you know, I just feel like the Lord is saying he's gonna heal Andrew. I believe he's gonna get better. And she was like, Well, she's like, you're gonna need that optimism because it's gonna be a long, hard few months. And she was right in the fact that it was hard. Um, but we would do physical therapy, we'd do OT, they would dip his hands in wax paraffin, then they'd rub them. I'd do it again at night. We went to speech therapist, and she showed me all these exercises um to have him do, and I had to massage his cheeks and all that. And then he took swimming, and that was to help with his legs. Um, and it was crazy. And even after he came home, like I had so much stuff I had to do, and he was in quite a bit of pain um with it, but after about a year, year and a half, he regained back 90% of the flexibility he had lost, which was just amazing. So we're like, okay, we made it through this hurdle, things are going good. God, you're so, so good. And then when he was about five, um, because he was on a lot of the drugs that fight um or keep graph versus host disease in line, anti-rejection drugs like steroids and things like that, their side effects are they raise blood pressure. So he was on a couple of blood pressure medicines. I had to check it while his blood pressure started going up. So um took him to the nephrologist, I started checking every two weeks. We were increasing a medication or adding a new one. And um, by the end of May, he was on five blood pressure medicines daily, and then one that when it didn't come down, I would give him. And they really just didn't know what to do. And the one on ecologist looked at me and said, Well, at least we bought you five more years. And I said, You know what? I said, I don't know how it's gonna happen, but I believe God is gonna heal Andrew. And she just kind of looked at me like I was completely deranged. But she's like, Well, I hope you're right, but it doesn't look that way. And when they when his blood pressure first started going up, they found a cis on the kidney, and they didn't think that was attributing it to anything, but his blood pressures were starting to go 210 over 150. That's after he'd taken five blood pressure medicines, and then I'd give him the nephetipine, and he was in the hospital, and that happened. The nephrologist said, I just don't know what to do. He's on more medications than most adults. And I said, You know, do you think we could remove that cis on the kidney? I he's like, I really don't think it's that. And I'm like, Well, what other options do we have? And he's like, you know what, we really don't have any. We'll go ahead and schedule it. And once they took that um cis off, it leveled out his blood pressure, but he was still on 16 medications, and five of them were blood pressure medicines. So um anyway, we went down to visit friends in Charlotte, and while we were there, we sensed God saying that we were supposed to move from Delaware to Charlotte, North Carolina. And we went home, got our house ready for the market in two weeks, um, put our house on the market. It sold right away, and the settlement was six weeks later. And I will tell you, the doctors thought we were insane. Our family was heartbroken. We had helped plan a church with some friends, they were all upset, but we so knew God was telling us to move, and all three kids were ecstatic. And I think at that time they were 10, 6, and 4. So, you know, usually kids don't want to lose their friends and all that.

Israel Caminero: 26:05

That's a bold move that you did there, too.

Kris McBride: 26:07

Just it really was. And my husband had been working for IBM for like eight weeks. He asked to be transferred to the Southeast region. They said, No, but we're offering mutual separation packages. So they were gonna give him this money, and he said, I'll take it. And the week we were gonna move to Charlotte, um, his boss called and said, Hey, if we agree to move you to the Southeast region, will you resend your mutual separation? He's like, Sure, that's awesome. So we moved down here right after that. That was the fall of 1999, the markets crashed. So it would have been so hard for him to get a job, but um, he had a job. Um, seven volumes of medical records were sent to a doctor in Columbia, South Carolina that specialized in graph versus host disease. Someone signed for those records. Nobody knew who the person was, and they couldn't find the records anywhere. Now we were paying about $600 a month in co-pays just for all his medication. So our savings was almost gone, and we were starting to have to put things on credit cards. Um, we couldn't afford to pay to have seven volumes recopied and sent. The hospital AI said we sent them once, our job's done. The hospital down there said it's not our job. So from November to the first week in April, I'm like, did you find the records? No, we didn't find the records. Like at one point, I stamped my foot at God. I seriously just stamped my foot and I yelled at him, you created the world in six days, and you can't make these medical records appear. Like I was about ready to lose my mind because the doctors in Charlotte maintained the medicines he was on, but they didn't know how to treat the graph versus host disease. First week in April, the doctor calls me and she's like, This is so bizarre. But when I walked in my office this morning, all seven volumes of Andrew's medical records were on my desk. And it just so happens we're starting a new drug trial. Um, it's just been FDA approved this fall on Graf versus host disease, and we'd like to put Andrew in that trial. Well, that medication was in brow. And within two weeks of him taking the shots, um, his skin started to soften, and we were able to reduce one of his blood pressure medicines. Four weeks into it, I'm driving back to Charlotte from Columbia, South Carolina, and I'm just praising the Lord. And I heard him say, Kristen, and I my mom only called me Kristen when I was in trouble. But I just said saying, Kristen, I want you to remember I see the big picture and you don't. And that was an aha moment for me because I think so many times we get so frustrated and we think God's not working because we can't see it, but it doesn't mean that he's not working in that. And um, Imberell saved Andrew's life. So by the time he was 15, he was off every single medication.

Israel Caminero: 29:23

Praise God.

Kris McBride: 29:25

Which is just amazing. And um, he went to Liberty University, met amazing guys. Every time he came home, he brought three to four guys with him, ate us out of house and home, but we just thoroughly enjoyed it. Um, he decided he was called to be a pastor, so he went to seminary. Um, we moved down to Hilton Head, South Carolina, and um he had one semester left, and he was supposed to stay up there that summer, but he called in May and said, Hey, he's like, you know, I have this job here, but I just really feel like I'm supposed to come home. Is it okay? And we're like, absolutely. You're always welcome home, but you know, you have to find a job. And he's like, Yeah, no worries. So he came home. Our youngest graduated college that month, and I remember looking at him and thinking, Lord, you are just so, so good. He looks so healthy, so handsome. He was 25. Um, and that summer, all three of our kids in their 20s were at our house or in Hilton Head. Our oldest lives in Hilton Head. We had these family dinners, but in July, his back started hurting. And um, we ended up taking him to the chiropractor, and he said he had a little bit of arthritis in his back, and it got worse and worse. Took him to urgent care, and they gave him some painkillers and muscle relaxers, but it was time for him to go back to school. He was an RA. And um we said, you know, when you get up there, connect with your doctor up there. So he did, and they did blood work, and one little number was just slightly off. Most of the doctors we've talked to said they wouldn't even have thought twice about it. But that doctor said, you know, sometimes that causes gallbladder disease. So she did an ultrasound. And um, that Labor Day weekend, he called and said, Um, Mom, the doctor just called and I have a huge tumor on my gallbladder. And we said, you know what? We'll we're coming up, we'll get you. I'm taking you straight to Charlotte because that's where all his records were and stuff. So we went up. He said, Don't come Saturday, come Sunday morning because there's a football game and my friend's in. So we're like, okay. So when we picked him up Sunday, he was in so much pain. He had lost so much weight in just a few weeks. Um, he looked terrible. So we drove to Charlotte, and um, God has such a way of just working things out. There's I was on staff at a large church in Charlotte for 10 years. I knew a lot of people, but he gave me this one person to call to ask about a surgeon. And um she actually said, Well, I don't know anybody, but you know who does, Max. He was the executive pastor at our church. So she called Max. I didn't know this, but his best friend happened to be um over the hospital there. So Max said, They're waiting for him in the ER as soon as you get there. And they took him in, they did an MRI. And when the doctor came in, I just remember thinking his eyes look really glassy. And he said, I'm really sorry to tell you this, but um you have a larger tumor on your kidney, you have lesions on your lungs, you have lesions on your spine, and that's what's causing all the pain. There's a small lesion on your liver, um, but it's kidney cancer, and it's it's stage four. So um, and I still felt like God was gonna heal Andrew. Um, we had been told really bad advice before, so like I really tried to rally my husband and my son, and um, we had an excellent doctor in Charlotte, and um, he ended up having this really rare kidney cancer, and they started radiation on him. It took him six weeks to figure out what kind of cancer he had. Um, but they did the radiation to relieve the pain, and he'd had seven treatments, he was supposed to get 10. He was down to like 90 or actually probably 85 pounds by then. Um, and he was only 5'2 because he'd been on steroids so long, but that was still a low weight. Yeah, and um Andrew said, I don't want to do any more radiation, mom. And you know, Dave and I said, it's your choice, like you're an adult. But our church up there was having a healing service, so we said, Can we take you to the healing service Sunday? And he said, Sure. So we actually pretty much had to carry him into the service. He was so weak. And um, people prayed, but the last person to pray was our daughter Kelly, and she started praying and she prayed louder and she prayed louder. And by the end of it, I know the whole sanctuary could hear her. But when she was done praying, we opened our eyes. Andrew was standing up straight. He's like, I really feel good, I don't have any pain. And he was able to eat, and he was like so excited that from that point on he never really had any pain. And um, we thought that God had um healed him completely. He still had the cancer, but he took away all his pain. And um, we had Christmas. Um, actually, the day after Christmas was probably the best day he had had, and all through that, right after he was diagnosed, I was reading Psalm 71, um, 14, and it says, As for me, I will always have hope. I will praise you more and more. And so throughout that whole fall, I was reading Andrew the Psalms. We constantly had praise music playing. And in fact, the morning before the healing service, I would go to sleep listening to prayer music or praise music, and I woke up in the middle of the night to the most beautiful song I've ever heard, and it really just kept repeating the words, Jesus heals. And I went to look at my phone to see who sang it, and um, my eyes were blurry, and I'm like, Oh, I can't see, I'll look it up in the morning. I will tell you, I have scoured the internet and I can't find a song like that song I heard. So, um, anyway, New Year's Eve um 2018, we were together as a family, and we just prayed over him, and it was it was like our entire house filled with the Lord's presence. And um, we really believed God healed Andrew. I woke up New Year's Day um 2019. I fixed a huge breakfast. Um, it was a celebration. We all sat down, and Andrew kind of picked at his food and was like, Do you care if I lay down on the couch? And I'm like, No, that's fine, bud. So a couple minutes later I went in to check on him and he wasn't making any sense. And I called my husband over and he's like, Do you think we should take him to Savannah? And I'm like, No, let's just take him to the local hospital. And he's like, Are you sure? And I'm like, Yeah. And we took him and they told us his organs were shutting down. So um Dave sent a text to one of Andrew's friends, and um, they asked us, you know, do you want to put him on the hospice floor? Do you want to take him home? And Andrew was like, I want to go home. And we're like, okay. So we took him home. And um, it's funny when we bought our house, I'm like, why is this master bedroom so big? This is ridiculous. So, like, I put a couch in it, but I thought it was a bunch of wasted space. Um, so anyway, we put him in our bed, and the hospice nurse came, and Dave started receiving all these texts, and one friend after another of Andrew said, We're on our way, we're on our way, we're on our way. And throughout that whole night, um, I think he had seven friends show up. And we were all in the bedroom, and um, Praise Music was playing, and I would be like, Hey, Andrew, so-and-so just walked in and he'd like lift his hand up, and we all took communion, and Andrew tried to take communion a little bit, and I'm like, it's okay, bud. And um, you know, we told funny stories. There was one story where um we were Dave was telling the guys, you know, a couple weeks ago I was talking to Andrew, and he said, you know, Dad, I probably could have studied harder at school, but he's like, I wouldn't give up one minute I spent with the guys. And in unison, all of them were like, study. Andrew never studied, and like you could see the quarter of Andrew's mouth going up. Um, but we, you know, told stories, we prayed, we cried, and about two o'clock, everybody went to bed except for Amanda and Kelly and me. And we just stayed on the bed and we still really thought that God might heal Andrew. And about four, about four o'clock, um, I said to the girls, I just feel like God's telling me to lay down on the couch and hear that I need to sleep. Well, they continued praying over him, and I got up around seven, and everybody else got up, and we were just kind of in the room praying and all that. And um, Andrew ended up taking his last breath. And when he took his last breath, I turned to everybody in the room and I said, I think he just said to Jesus, why didn't you take me 24 years ago? Like, I really feel like heaven is more amazing than we can imagine. And that actually feeling the Lord's arms around us and being in his presence, we felt it a little bit that night because I will tell you, it was like God thinned the veil between heaven and earth. Very happy for Andrew. Obviously, we were all very grieved to lose him, but one of his um friends was a worship leader. We all ended up gathering in the living room. We were waiting for the hospice people to come. He started singing the doxology and we prayed. And it was such a holy night. Then each of his friends started leaving. And as each of his friends started leaving, our friends started arriving. It was just, it was something that I think only God could orchestrate. But um, I spoke at his celebration of life, and one of the things I said is, I don't really understand why things worked out the way they did, but this is what I do know that God is love, that he is faithful and good. And if he's those things, then I can trust him even when I don't understand.

Israel Caminero: 40:58

Amen.

Kris McBride: 40:59

You know, we really did kind of take the posture that the Lord gave us 24 extra years with Andrew. And we saw him grow up. He had such an amazing time at Liberty University and then in seminary. And um, he never really had to do that hard part of adulting, which you know, he kind of lucked out there. But um, through all those years, like God just taught me so many different ways to cultivate hope. And um, in the book that I wrote, I do share that story, and each chapter is a way God showed me how to cultivate hope. And I think um the thing to remember when you're in the valley is like God is with you, He is for you. And just because we can't see him working doesn't mean that he's not, you know, and he never leaves us in the valley. That's right. And one day we're gonna be in a place where there's no more tears, no more sickness, no more disease, no more death. And like Dave said to me the day that Andrew went to be with Jesus, he said, you know, honey, this is hard. But even if we live another 50 years, that pales in comparison to having our son with us for all of eternity in the presence of the Lord, you know. So um I will say, God is good. Do I wish my son was still here? Yes, but none of us knew a year later 2020 was coming. And I will tell you, even as a man, Andrew hated to be in the hospital by himself, I think, because of everything he went through when he was little. So whenever he was sick, we spent the night in the hospital with him. If he had gotten sick during 2020, like it would have been so traumatic for him. Dave and I probably would have ended up in jail. Like, you know, I just see the Lord's grace in that Andrew was with him and he didn't have to go through all that.

Israel Caminero: 43:01

So wow, what an incredible story. Journey, I should say, that you had with your son.

Kris McBride: 43:11

You know, life is a journey.

Israel Caminero: 43:12

Life you're absolutely right. Life is a journey, and I totally agree with you on how uh eternity is so much better than where we're at today. And like you said, your flesh misses your son. Of course, your flesh misses him and wishes you can hug him and kiss him, but at the same time, you know who's who he's next to right now, and not in pain, you know, or or getting poked or anything like that.

Kris McBride: 43:42

Uh and I think, you know, the Capital C church probably doesn't do the best job at reminding us that this isn't our home. And like heaven's amazing. So obviously we would it's God's timing when we go there. But I think if we truly understood that, uh obviously separation there is grief. And you know, I will tell you the first year after that was hard, but in the midst of that hard, I could still hold on to the fact that, you know, heaven is our home and Andrew's there.

Israel Caminero: 44:18

That's right. That's right. He's with our Lord and Savior.

Kris McBride: 44:22

Yeah, absolutely.

Israel Caminero: 44:25

Um, I had a question. What message of encouragement could you share to someone going through this same challenge right now as far as cultivating their own hope of inspiring?

Kris McBride: 44:37

Yeah. I would say keep talking to God, even if you're angry. Like he's a big enough God. I there were times that I yelled at him, you know. Keep talking to him and ask him to reveal himself, to you, remind you of truth. Don't isolate yourself because as soon as you isolate yourself, the enemy is going to fill your head with a bunch of lies. Stay in the Psalms. And I think most important, like praise the Lord, whether it's reading Psalms, whether it's praising God, because when you do that, that puts your focus on God and Jesus and you know um who he is. And it's kind of like when Peter was walking on the water, as long as he looked at Jesus, he could walk above the storm. But when he looked at the waves, was when he sunk. And I think the same is true for us. So um, one of the guys I used to work with told me this when he was going through a really hard time. And I'm like, How are you doing? And he's like, Well, he's like, it's not really hard. He's like, I know who my Lord is, and I just ask him, what do you want me to learn from this? And how can I give you glory? And I think that that, but I also think, you know, you can't microwave spiritual maturity. So just like I was mad at God for, you know, four months, five months, and all that, it's okay to wrestle with him, just keep dialoguing and keep, you know, reading God's word, keep being around people and allow the Holy Spirit to just help you walk through it. But remember, like God never leaves us in that dark place forever.

Israel Caminero: 46:25

Amen. Amen. He's he I think you touched on that before. He's there even when we think he's not.

Kris McBride: 46:31

Right. Absolutely.

Israel Caminero: 46:33

And a lot of people go through hardships like this and throw in the towel because they can't handle it. And when you have God on your side, you know, it might be hard, but it's easier to handle it than without God on your side.

Kris McBride: 46:50

And if and if you can have a eternal perspective, like you you just don't. I've met so many people and been able to share just a little bit about why they can trust God that never would have happened if all this hadn't happened. And it's it's like my worst nightmare came true, in all honesty. And I saw God's goodness even in the midst of that. So I think it's, you know, it's trying to have that big perspective. You know, God doesn't owe us anything. There were times earlier in my life that I'd look at families that had seven healthy kids. And I, you know, part of me would be like, it's so unfair. But when you think about it, what is unfair that Jesus had to leave the splendor of heaven and come to this broken world as a child, and then, you know, just be brutally tortured and nailed to a cross and die for our sins. But that's how much he loved us. So, like any other blessings we get, we've been adopted into God's family, you know, everything else is just icing on the cake. And I think, I think we can all, I know I can have that entitlement mentality, and yet we've been given the greatest gift of all. We have the opportunity to be God's child and have eternal life.

Israel Caminero: 48:16

Amen. Amen for that. And that's absolutely correct. I want to thank you, Chris, for your story and sharing it on my platform for everyone to hear. Because it's stories like these that people need to hear that and someone might be going through the same thing right now, and it gives them some sort of hope to just say or maybe even pick up a Bible or praise, like you said, and and find God in the midst of their troubles. So I want to thank you for sharing your your story with everyone today. And I also want to ask you a few questions. My first question is Is there a a life verse or a Bible verse that has stuck with you throughout your life or even while you were going through this with Andrew that you always went back to? And what that life verse is and what it means to you.

Kris McBride: 49:22

Yeah, so I actually have two, but the one I'll share today is Proverbs 3, 5 through 6. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. I just think that that in any situation, it doesn't matter what it is, that verse applies. Like that was really my mantra throughout that time. So that's that's one of the critical life verses I have.

Israel Caminero: 49:49

Okay. Do you mind sharing the other one? I don't care if you share both.

Kris McBride: 49:53

Oh, the other one is Psalm 71, 14. As for me, I will always have hope. I will praise you more and more. And um, that's the verse that I read right after Andrew was diagnosed the second time. And I felt like the Lord told me this is the way through this valley, is to just praise me.

Israel Caminero: 50:12

Amen. Amen. Thank you for that. And those verses are absolutely true. Now, my second question is my section where I call back to the past. And basically is if the Chris of today can travel back in time and talk to the younger Chris, even before any of this happened or while you were going through this of things that you didn't know then but know now, what would you say to her and why?

Kris McBride: 50:43

Um I think I think one would be that um to trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. I just think if I had grasped that concept um in my teens, that would have that would have been helpful. But the other one is that um God understands your suffering and he just doesn't love you. He loves you as much as he loves Jesus. Um, to me, that changed everything for me because I knew no matter how hard things seemed, and there were times like when money was harder or whatever, I would that would just play in my mind and I would say, God understands that, and he is with that. And the other thing is don't isolate. I think that is one of the main schemes of the enemy. And there were times in my life where I definitely allowed myself to be isolated, and he, you know, then you don't have anyone to remind you of truth when he's feeding you a bunch of lies.

Israel Caminero: 51:50

That's right. That's right. The enemy will attack when you're isolated.

Kris McBride: 51:56

Absolutely.

Israel Caminero: 51:57

Well, once again, Chris, I'd like to thank you for that story and all your encouragement and and faith and the hope that you kept throughout this journey. And before we close the podcast out, can you pray over us?

Kris McBride: 52:12

Absolutely. And it was uh just a blessing to be here. So thank you for having me. Oh, Father, we just praise you, Lord. You are so, so good. And Lord, you know what's going on in each and every person's life. And Lord, for those that are just struggling right now, whether it's depression or um grief or um fighting addiction, Lord, I just pray that they would sense your presence, that they would know that you are for them and fighting for them, Lord. Um, that they would trust you and that you would reveal yourself to them in a powerful way and just infuse them with hope that comes from you. And uh, we just thank you that you love us and you are for us. And um, I just pray that they can rest knowing that they are loved more than they could imagine. In Jesus' name, amen.

Israel Caminero: 53:15

Amen. Amen. Thank you for that prayer. And once again, thank you for being here and sharing your story. Um, you you shared earlier that you had a book, correct?

Kris McBride: 53:24

That is correct.

Israel Caminero: 53:26

I will I will have all that information on the description of the podcast if anyone wants to reach out and read her book.

Kris McBride: 53:37

One other thing, I have a website, um, finding hope in life's valleys.com, and on that website there is a six-week study that goes along with the book, but it can stand alone and it's free. So um, if anybody is interested in that, that is available.

Israel Caminero: 53:57

Oh, okay. I'll have a link to her website and book on the description of the podcast. So if anyone feels free and wants to reach out to her or get the book, it'll be on there. And I just want to say um thank you for joining me again in my podcast and for just the love that you guys keep instilling in the podcast. I'm just a pawn in it. This is all about God. This is to glorify him and seeing what he did in people's lives to change them. And I just want to say that the outpouring of love that everyone's given me and the support that you've given me is just phenomenal. And I know God's orchestrating everything. And I just want to say, until next time, God bless everybody.