Is Any Story Too Messy for God to Rewrite? A Journey Out of Gang Life and Into Grace, with Rafael Bonilla

Join me as I explore the incredible journey of Rafael Bonilla, a former Catholic youth turned gang member and drug dealer, as he shares his powerful story of redemption, resilience, and hope. From the depths of street life to finding purpose and meaning, his journey promises to inspire and uplift. Tune in to hear how he overcame adversity and transformed his life, offering insights that resonate with us all.

Transcript

Israel Caminero: 0:17

Welcome to the second episode of Living Testimony: Stories of Faith and Redemption. I'm your host, Israel Caminero, and with me tonight I have a good friend of mine. His name is Ralph Bonilla. And if you guys remember my last podcast, I had a gentleman named Ryan Lopez. I met Ralph around the same time that I met Ryan through the same person, which was a friend of ours, had gone to the wedding because we had gone to church one day and we went to the same friend's house and had dinner and broke bread, and I met um Ralph there. And let me tell you, this gentleman here is quite a gentleman, and he has a story behind him that you won't even imagine. And he's here to share it with us. Ralph, would you like to introduce yourself to the people?

Ralph Bonilla: 1:05

Sure, sure. My name is Ralph Bunilla. You know, I just uh I'm honored, obviously, first of all, to be here, you know, to be able to share a little bit of my story and just kind of just here to say uh, you know, give glory and honor to God and whatever will come forth, you know, from that story, if it if it helps anybody, that's what it's all about. You know, uh it's not about putting the light on me, but you know, bringing glory to him.

Israel Caminero: 1:27

Amen. Amen. So before we get started here, I'd like to say a quick prayer for us as we start this podcast. And I just want to say uh thank you, Father, for allowing us to have this time to uh do this podcast with my friend Ralph, for him being able to be here and share part of his story with someone that it might touch. Like he said, not to glorify him, but to glorify you, Lord, and whoever's listening out there that knows they're not alone and it might touch them and they may seek you through his story. In Jesus' name we pray, amen. So, Ralph, like I said, I've known you, I think about almost 10 years also, you know, because that was the same time that I met Ryan we were at friend's house and preaching at um Lake Renew Life. And I tell you, every time you got up on that altar, you you brought that fire. I tell you that. I loved when you used to get up there and preach. But um, I just want you to, you know, share with us a little bit of your journey from where you were to what led you to get saved and where you're at now in your life.

Ralph Bonilla: 2:35

No. So um, yeah, so thanks again, thanks for the opportunity. So uh, you know, it all starts with me uh at a young age. Um, so growing up, my parents were Catholic, obviously. Uh my father's Puerto Rican, my mom's Mexican, uh, which is a uh a mix in itself, right? Um, but um at about three or four years old, my parents started attending a Pentecostal church, Spanish Pentecostal church. So if you know anything about Spanish Pentecostal churches from back in the day, and you know, nothing against that. It's just uh they were very strict, very strict. So um uh so I grew up, you know, for the from five to about eight years old. No, not grew up, but I mean went through a time period from five to eight where they were heavily involved in the church. And I remember the men sat on one side, the ladies sat on the other. And you know, it was just an interesting dynamic. So I was a very um, how would you say, very active child, you know. Um my parents, uh I probably was ADD, you know, what they would categorize ADD, right? But just it didn't exist, you know, in 1984, you know. Right, right. And so, and so uh it was probably the 70s, I'm sorry. So um, yeah, like 75. I mean, no, no, it's a lie, 78 or on there. Uh so then, you know, just um, yeah, I got whooped a lot, you know, but it was strict, it was just a strict church, and uh so I was always getting in trouble, always getting yelled at, like, you know, I always wanted to get up on the altar, always got the ushers have to pull me off, you know, get off the altar. And uh they used to say this thing like campanita on a sural, you know, like you're you're gonna enter the holies of holies, the bells are gonna ring and you're gonna fall over death for sin. Like, okay, let me find out. Right. So that was kind of like how I was raised. And then my parents, right around, you know, eight or nine years old, they stopped going to church. One day we weren't going to church anymore. And it was that's what it seemed like to me. You know, as a child, you're not, you can you're kind of just you know, you're I'm along for the ride. Right. You know what I'm saying? So all of uh they just stopped going to church, and you're like, What is going on? Oh, we're not going to church on Sunday. You know, what's happening here? We're missing church, and then one Sunday turned into, and you know, and then that one, two, three, four Sundays turns into years. Oh, okay. And uh, and so um, but you know, I I want to say this, you know, for those people that might be out there listening and they have children that they raise in the Lord, you know, and maybe their children are not serving God. Um, you know, I remember uh there's a scripture in Proverbs that says, you know, train a child on the way he should go, right? And uh and he will never depart from it. That truth that they've learned. And I want to say that even though I was, you know, quite a bit of a knucklehead as a as a child, I did gravitate to the stories they were telling, right? You know, Joseph, Jesus, you know, the Christmas story, all these stories that they told. And I remember Noah and all these Moses, and and so and the principles. So as as I was growing, you know, my formidable years as a teenager, you know, I would think about those that stuff, you know, and um, and then, you know, kind of the fast-forward, you know, again, just troublemaker, um, around 13, 14 years old, you know, obviously started getting introduced to drugs. And um, and in the rain around that time, there was a um uh in my seventh or eighth grade year, they they were um they the the levy didn't pass, so we couldn't play football. Okay. And we couldn't do these things. So what happened is a lot of these kids who were playing football and got involved in gangs. And so um, you know, I my family background, um, a lot of family members in Chicago. So you know, um just a lot of gang activity in my in my family's uh past. And so um, so you know, I was exposed to that as a young age, you know, just understanding, seeing it. Uh, and then obviously media and all that, you know, New Jack City comes out, Scarface, you know, and all it starts to feed into this um mindset, you know, uh, of you know, that this is a cool way to live, or this is acceptable, if you will. And you know, if you're gonna rebel, this is how you rebel. And so I started to kind of dab onto that lifestyle. Um, uh, you know, got involved in a few gangs, got initiated several times, um, and and then started to dabble to selling drugs. And again, I'm 13, 14 years old. I don't know. I know, I think I know it all. You know, I look at 13, 14 years old today, and you're like, really, dude. Right. But I thought I was a man back then. Exactly. It's totally different now. Oh yeah. So um, so that you know, that kind of started my, you know, I wouldn't say being like mischievous, you know, like, you know, just being uh, you know, being in the ways of the world. But still, I remember uh at night I would I would lay in my bed, and this is a God's honest truth, uh, you know, we didn't have air conditioning, so the windows would be open and you could hear the train going by and we live by the steel mill, and so you know, there was always loud bangs in the middle of the night, so you kind of get used to that. And I remember just laying in my bed, you know, and just thinking, man, there's gotta be more to life than this. And and you know, sometimes you find yourself alone and you find yourself pondering, right? Like thinking about life and thinking about, and you know, here I am in you know, in the in the dark hour, if you're in the midnight hour, just by myself, no one's around, right? And this is what I'm contemplating. And you you totally know now looking back, it's the Holy Spirit, it's God.

Israel Caminero: 7:54

Exactly, exactly. So were you still selling drugs and then the gangs when you were sitting there at night thinking this?

Ralph Bonilla: 8:02

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Israel Caminero: 8:03

So you were just already knowing, like, this isn't my life. The Holy Spirit was already prompting you, like, this isn't for you.

Ralph Bonilla: 8:09

And that's I had both parents at home, so I'm not gonna say that they that it was, you know, I I was living a secret lifestyle, right? Right. Um, and I remember my father telling me, if I find out that you're out there running around, you know, I'll kill you before they kill them, before they kill you, you know, I'm gonna kill you myself. Well, did he know, right? He didn't know, right? But but at the end of the day, you know, it just again, um, you know, God has his mark on you, you know. And um, again, there's that word that was deposited in me as a young man, and you know, those, those truths, those seeds that are incorruptible, the Bible says, start to flourish within you without even and you know, again, like Paul, the Apostle Paul talks about, you know, some water. I plant somebody else's waters, but God gives increase. Right. So what was happening is, you know, maybe I'll catch a glimpse of, you know, at that time, Jim Baker, you know, a PTL, you know, or something on TV, and they're talking about God, and you kind of just stop and listen for a second. Or maybe I'm, you know, going down Pearl Avenue in the rain and they're having a big old campagna. Pentecostal out there, you know, yelling, screaming, talking about God. And you just stop and listen for a second and you catch something. Right. And in that seed, without even thinking, you go home at night and man, you know, what if I die today? You hear you hear that. Or what, you know, what if, you know, is there more to life than this? And you start asking yourself those those deep questions and and and you don't have answers because you don't, there's nothing etern eternal or spiritual about you, you know.

Israel Caminero: 9:37

Right, right. And it's funny you say that because you know, I went through the same thing as a youth. But um another thing that I want to touch uh base back on was when you said the youth of today, and compared to the youth of you know, when we were kids, you know, like my kids are in trouble. Yeah, and I'm and I always look at that and say, man, like if you call that trouble, like that's nothing compared to what I was doing back then. Right, right. You know what I mean? So I always look at it that way. But yeah, I just wanted to touch base on that real quick. Yeah. So that night that you were laying there in in in bed praying, yeah, you know, praying or thinking to God about, you know, this there's more to life, did that change you that night, or did something else happen?

Ralph Bonilla: 10:20

No, that didn't that didn't change me that night. Um several things happened. So um about my sophomore year, uh a gentleman came to our to our school that this this uh counselor who was part of a church uh had brought in. He was like a he was like a motivational speaker.

Israel Caminero: 10:40

Okay.

Ralph Bonilla: 10:41

And uh, and I mean it's now looking back, high hindsight being 2020, looking back, you see how God is kind of setting you up. So now this guy has this uh motivational speaker, but you know, it's kind of twofold. He's a Christian, but he's a motivational speaker. But he presents at the schools, not talking about God or nothing like that, just talking about his own life. Well, this guy was uh he's passed away since his name is Joseph Jennings. Okay, and he was a notorious gangster from South Bend, Indiana. He's from Gary, Indiana, dude. He was he was crazy. And you know, he's he's up there and he's a you know big, you know, black dude, bro. And he's he's just I mean, he's straight up street. He's like, I've been stabbed 14 times, shot seven times, you know, and he's telling his story to these to I was a freshman at the time. It was I was a freshman, and uh, I remember him sharing a story. So then he shares a story, and you're like, wow, you know, and it was the first time that I ever heard anybody say, you know, man, you know, talking about virginity and talking about how that's a cool thing, blah blah, you know. And I'm like, man, what's this guy talking about? Like, I wasn't thinking about that. I was like, man, I couldn't wait, you know, to get to sow my wild oats, if you will, you know. And uh, you know, so he says before he finished, hey, I'm gonna be back tonight, you know, in the evening, you know, sharing a uh just more of my life story. So I was like, man, I gotta listen, I gotta hear this story again. You know, here's 13, 14 years old, you know, just a couple years later, I here I am. You know, I'm not even a year later, I'm here, I'm at school hearing this. Right, you know, and again, here's that seed, right? This falling again, or you know, that's being watered. And so I come back that night, and man, he shares his story about how he got saved and how God changed his life. And you're like, man, and this guy was like the worst of the worst, bro. I mean, you how can God save this guy? Right. And he talks about that, and he just brought so much hope. Like, listen, your life doesn't have to be that way. So here I'm striving to live that way, and he's talking about how that is not the answer. Amen. You know, because I've lived that, I've done that, and by God's grace, I've lived through it to be able to come out of it and give somebody else hope that I found, right? Right. And so uh he gives an altar call that day, and I get saved, but it you know, it was like, you know, I just said out of you know emotion and just feeling, but I again there's God drawing you in. So I got saved that night, but never no follow-through, right? No discipleship, nobody really wrangled me in and said, Hey man, you know, but it was like the beginning of something like man, I I gotta live different. Around that same time, uh, that summer, you know, my mom, I was again involved in selling drugs, and uh it wasn't heavy, it wasn't a lot of drugs, but it was just minor stuff, and she found out. Okay, and I and that was again looking back, it was terrible, like man, I got caught. Right. And then you I got but there's something about the truth coming out that that opens the door for two things either repentance or bitterness. Right. And either you make a choice to change and repent, or you make a choice to continue to live a secret lifestyle, justify and lie and never change, and just dig dig deeper.

Israel Caminero: 13:51

There you go. And I I I wonder, I could put money on what happened next. I don't think you continued, right?

Ralph Bonilla: 13:59

Well, uh, you know, I I I have to be honest with you, man. I I just didn't know enough truth, right?

Israel Caminero: 14:05

Okay.

Ralph Bonilla: 14:05

Uh I I had the conviction, but I didn't know enough. But I want to say that I even though I didn't completely surrender, you know, like I did give my life to Christ, I was not the same.

Israel Caminero: 14:17

Okay.

Ralph Bonilla: 14:18

So I still, you know, had a foul mouth, I still hung out with the same dudes, I still drank and got high, you know what I'm saying? But it was different. Something wasn't good about it. And then still at night, you know, having those thoughts. So I remember at 15 and a half years old, I'm telling my mom, you know, mom, I want you to take me to church. Find me a church to go to, I want to go to church. And so at 15, uh, she took me to House of Praise International.

Israel Caminero: 14:49

Amen.

Ralph Bonilla: 14:50

And it was there, bro. It was there that uh, you know, it didn't happen right away, right? But I, you know, I came in and on a Sunday morning and I said, I don't want to go to a Spanish church, I want to go to an English-speaking church. So it was the best of both. They spoke Spanish and English. Right. They had a translator, so it was nice. And and I remembered, you know, I went there on a Sunday morning and it was great. And once again, I responded to the call. But uh again, no discipleship, no, you know, just but I started going to church by myself. My parents still weren't going. I was going there by myself. So I would ride my moped. I had a moped uh from South and Rain to House of Praise. It wasn't far. If I didn't have a ride, I would walk. Um and um and it was there that I met uh Pastor Gilbert. He was a youth pastor at the time. And uh and so he was the youth pastorslash associate pastor of the church. Uh this is back in 1990. I'm gonna say like October, September about 1990. And uh, and it was right around that time, you know, that uh that uh they were having Nikki Cruz come. I don't know if you know who he is. Uh they were bringing in Nikki Cruz uh to do uh a school outreach and uh do an evangelism. And he he wrote authored a book called The Sword and the Switchblade. Um he got saved many, many years ago. I don't know exactly when I said maybe the early 70s. And he was a notorious gang member from New York City. And uh he ran a gang called the Mom House, and uh and uh that was back when New York City there were there were the gangs were feuding against the police. Oh they were like rioting against the police. Actually, the story Warriors, the movie, came from what was happening in New York City at the time. Oh that was kind of like uh the impetus for that movie.

Israel Caminero: 16:32

Interesting.

Ralph Bonilla: 16:33

No, I never heard of him. So he's in his 80s right now, I think, still preaching the gospel. That's God, God is good. Yeah, he arrests you, man.

Israel Caminero: 16:42

He does. And um so you you got saved twice. Yeah, many times. But the only problem was that when you were doing it, you didn't have someone there for accountability holding you accountable to it, right? Like um, was your mom or your dad like they weren't going to church at all at that time? Like they just completely stopped, they weren't talking about it, nothing like that. So, yeah, you had nobody, you know, that was pouring into you after you felt the way that you did until you went to House of Praise and you met Gilbert.

Ralph Bonilla: 17:17

So here's the thing, you know, you know, one of the things I'll say to church people is that, you know, uh, you know, what I felt there in that moment was, you know, a connectedness. I found something that, hey, you know, I'm gonna keep going, even though I wasn't necessarily being discipled at the time, you know, I had a hunger to hear more. Right. So what was driving me was not was not, it was God, right? Because, you know, I can't give somebody hunger. I can't give somebody desire. Exactly. You know, I can't pray that over them either. That's something that just comes out of you, right? So I had a desire to know more, desire to know more about God. I was just hungry to know more. And and and it so happened to be that Pastor Gilbert was preaching that on a Friday night, and I'm just like leaning over, listening to him, like, and he I'm captivated because this guy is teaching the word and it's in English. And that's all I was captivated by. And I can understand what he was saying, right? You know, and it I was intrigued. So it that's what kept me coming back. Okay. So, you know, so House of Praise is gonna do this outreach. And um, so they they bring in all these people from Chicago, uh Victory Outreach Church. And um, and so they bring in these people, bro. They're Victory Outreach, they're the preface of their platform, because uh Nikki Cruise, um man, what is the name of that ministry? I can't think of it right now. Um, but it's like a recovery ministry that they have. And uh, and so Victory Outreach was a was one of the churches that was part of that recovery program. And so they they said they knew Nicky Cruz was coming, so they sent these people to come pass out flyers, you know, kind of in the city of Lorraine. So um I was coming to church, so I started hanging out, you know, say, oh yeah, I'll help them pass out flyers. I was young.

Israel Caminero: 18:55

Right.

Ralph Bonilla: 18:56

So I went out there, even with these dudes, and again, I'm not really completely 100% committed to the Lord yet, but just attractive. So these guys on a Sunday morning in you in the in the Sunday school class start sharing their testimony. And these dudes, bro, were again, just like the dude I heard on do you see the setup? Yep. You see, you see, uh, you know, Joseph Jennings, a gangster, the kind of guy was gravitating to that lifestyle. You see now, you know, Nikki Cruz is coming, same thing, gangster. Now these guys are coming to pass our flowers, and they're gangsters. You know, they're serving God now. So they start sharing the hope that's within them and talking about how their life was changed, and that was just like wow, you know. And it was shortly after that, you know, they left, Nikki Cruz Crusade happened, and uh, and I I finally surrendered to God right there.

Israel Caminero: 19:42

Amen.

Ralph Bonilla: 19:43

Amen. That was good. That was the beginning, and I never looked back since.

Israel Caminero: 19:46

That was good, but like you said, you see how God orchestrated all of that? Right, you know, he's like a painter and he was painting this portrait until you landed, he let where you landed where he wanted you. You know, that's right. Like he was putting pieces together until You landed where he wanted you. And that's how God works, you know. God's just so mysterious and good. Yeah. You know?

Ralph Bonilla: 20:06

He is. I mean, he you said it. I think he, you know, he's the master craftsman. You know, um, I I like to share the story, you know, the analogy of like the orchestra. You know, when you walk into an orchestra and you're listening to them warm up, it sounds like chaos, you know, because they're everybody's paying their own tune, they're doing their own thing, they're going through their own warm-up session, or all of a sudden the conductor comes out. And what's he do? He stands up on the platform, he's on a platform, he taps that, you know, he taps that little wand, whatever that is, and all of a sudden people come to attention and everything is silent, and they raise their, and all of a sudden, with one sway of the hand, what was once a minute before chaos turns into harmonious, beautiful music, then that just it's just mind-blowing.

Israel Caminero: 20:48

Joyful noise is.

Ralph Bonilla: 21:10

Um, I was still in high school. I was a I was going into my junior year. This was during the summer, so I was going into my junior year of high school, and man, I started carrying my Bible in school. I was just not the same person. I was radical, yelling, you know, glory be to God. And, you know, just sharing, I mean, it was really radical, just sharing with my friends about Christ, uh, all my all my gang member friends, you know, like that I was hanging out with, kicking it. And I was like, come on, man, you know, you gotta leave the ways of the world, you know, and you know, just uh just really hyper hyper about Christ. Right. And um, and where everywhere I went, I hear my Bible, you know.

Israel Caminero: 21:44

And did you lose a lot of friends because of that? Or like did some of them were like you're crazy and left you alone, or they continue being your friend? Did some of them change?

Ralph Bonilla: 21:53

I mean, a few of them had come in, you know. I don't I you know I want to say like a handful of people came in, you know. Um some you know fell away, you know, after time. But you know, I just think that uh for me, uh, you know, the separation happens naturally. Right. There's no, oh, I'm leaving my friends, I'm leaving the ways of the world. It was just like, look, man, I want to go to church and I want to see God and I want to be around those people, and I just ain't got time to kick it no more.

Israel Caminero: 22:20

You know, I've already done that.

Ralph Bonilla: 22:21

You know what I'm saying? Like, I look, we're gonna go, you know, like we would say, we're gonna go get some 40s, bro. We're gonna crack them open and you know, wake up tomorrow morning with a terrible hangover drinking Cold 45 that tastes like terrible, you know what I'm saying? But just to be cool and hang out, you know, it's like, no, I'm good, bro. That that didn't give me anything, right? You know, so there was nothing that they can offer me, you know, that would sway me from wanting to go to church and pursue God. Like they couldn't hold, they couldn't dangle the carrot for me. And that had that was God. It had nothing to do with, oh, I was so on fire for God. No, yeah, it was because what he did in my life and what the answer he gave me was satisfied.

Israel Caminero: 23:01

Right, okay. So, yeah, so they basically just kind of went away naturally. Right. You know, you just kept being yourself and it just happened naturally because that's again what God does. Yeah, you know, he separates you from where you're not supposed to be at. Okay, so continue on with your story because it's in a pretty interesting year.

Ralph Bonilla: 23:22

Yeah, I mean, you know, right away, you know, then you know, Pastor Gilbert in uh 91 becomes the pastor, senior pastor of the church. And and so, you know, we have this connection. And you know, he's he's my spiritual father, you know. So he starts bringing me in. I hang out with him. I get I get to know his wife, his family at the time. He don't have no children. I think, you know, um, I forget what the year that his oldest daughter was born, you know, uh I want to say 91 or 92, 91, I think. And uh, and and uh, you know, I remember, you know, I uh you know, his wife being pregnant with her, and then, you know, then the next one, and then the next one, and you know, just again being plugged into the church. And he's he starts training me, training me. And I remember one of the first messages I preached was, you know, maybe about about a year after I got saved. Uh, he would do a good Friday service called The Seven Words, the Seven Last Words of God. And uh, and so he gave me, you know, he had seven people that would teach, and I was one of those ones. And um you got 10 minutes to share a word. So that was my first message that I ever shared. And uh, and um, you know, it it was the beginning, you know. So I got involved with the young people, you know, uh with youth. And at that time, you know, around that time, um Pastor Mark Heberbrand started coming to the church. Okay, he came, started coming around 91. And right around 91, and towards the end of 91, going into 92, he's he was getting involved with the youth, him and his wife. And uh, you know, just an amazing couple, man. So I I was I linked up in arms with them, man, and I just served, you know, um faithfully in the young people, you know, just help disciple, raise people, go out and evangelize. We go door-to-door evangelizing. And Pastor Mark at the time was in charge of outreach. So we would do what we learned how to do. We go out, set up in a park, you know, get permits, uh, pass out flyers and invite people to come and share testimonies.

Israel Caminero: 25:12

Right.

Ralph Bonilla: 25:12

And, you know, and you know, we start off. I want to thank the Lord for my salvation. You know, I I know you can if you can hear me, you know, we just share hope, man. That's that's what we hope dealers. Right. Well, I was just gonna say hope dealers instead of dope dealers, right?

Israel Caminero: 25:24

So um, so so you did become their youth pastor there or no?

Ralph Bonilla: 25:29

No, no, no. I was a youth leader. Uh Pastor Mark and his wife were the were the youth pastors. Okay. And I just served underneath them, you know, for so just helped, you know, them build build the youth, build the kingdom. And they served for a long time, right? I I want to say like over 12 years. They're still there. They're still there. Well, not as youth pastors, but associate pastors, but um, you know, just an amazing job, an amazing couple. So um it was, you know, it's so that I served, you know, from I started serving in the house from 91 all the way and up until uh you know, God moved it upon our hearts to go to start the church at Lakewood with Pastor Bob and Yolanda in 2006.

Israel Caminero: 26:06

Being that you 2006 came along and you were so involved with House of Praise, like what prompted you or to, I'm sure it was God to leave this house that you love so much to go start another one? Like what put it in your heart to like, okay, I'm gonna leave here that I'm comfortable with and go be uncomfortable somewhere else to start that.

Ralph Bonilla: 26:29

Yeah, well, I definitely was uh it was a um it was a life-changing decision, you know, like anything else, kind of like salvation, right? You you make this commitment, you take out the step of faith, right? It's a a step of faith, a confession of faith. Uh and so um, you know, uh, for sure, you know, to leave your your comfort zone, right? Um the place where you know you've been trained, uh, you're a leader. We were small group leaders. We um you know, we did a lot of things in the church, you know, um uh taught in Conor, everything, anything that my hand found, that's that's always been my whatever my hand finds to do, I do it, you know. And so um Pastor Bob uh you know is moving, I was gonna plant a church in Lakewood, and you know, um he asked us to pray about it. And I'm like, I don't need to pray. You know, like I don't need to pray, I'm not going. You know what I'm saying? Just like you said. And and you know, thank God I have a wife who's more spiritual uh than me and more discernful than me, and is uh, you know, uh right most of the time. She hears God first. You know, I want to say up to this point she hears God's first. And uh, so she says, you know, she leans over, she goes, babe, we're gonna go to Lakewood. I'm like, no, we're not. And she was like, we're gonna go to Lakewood. So uh I wrestle with the little shoe, but this is what she said. I'll never forget. She goes, but you know, you're the man of the house, I'm gonna let you make that decision. I'm like, hey man, tripping on me now. I got to just wait on me now. I'm gonna make a decision, you know. You know, I can't even pick McDonald's, what I want, Burger King. But she says, What do you want? I'm like, I don't know, what do you want? Right, right. So um, so I'll never forget it, man. Uh, I was uh at Ford, I was working at Ford at the time, and I was uh headed over to the gym, even though I don't reflect it right now. But I was going to the gym uh at my break time, and I was crossing over the lines to go to the gym, and I'll never forget the Lord just said to me, I have need of you to go to Lakewood. That's all he said to me. And I was like, okay, Lord, I'm gonna go. Right then and there. Right then and there I made this, I made the decision. I I gave responsible thinking about it. And it was uh man, it was uh it was a journey, it was it was an uh it was an adventure.

Israel Caminero: 28:24

Yeah, I know you were there from the very beginning. I didn't come until I don't I don't even know how many years you were already there when I came in, but I came in when it was still at the at the temple. Right. And we were breaking down and setting up and actually it was 20 maybe 2013.

Ralph Bonilla: 28:42

2013, okay.

Israel Caminero: 28:43

No, no, no. 20 20 2014.

Ralph Bonilla: 28:47

I didn't know your son was like five or between five and seven, right around there.

Israel Caminero: 28:51

No, he was no, he was younger than that. Really? Okay. Yeah, it was yeah, yeah, it was 2014 actually. Because Ryan and I just had that had the 10-year anniversary on the date that I recorded the last podcast. So yeah, that's when I came in there. And um so how how deep was it by then, like 2014? How when did it start? Oh six.

Ralph Bonilla: 29:11

Okay. Yeah, so you know Muhammad Allah by then, you know. Um, yeah, I mean, I could tell you, bro, time went by so fast. Um, and uh, you know, Pastor Bob and Yolanda and the team, the first 25 that went, um, you know, some are no longer with us, some are in the presence of God now, you know, you know, um, some, you know, have you know went. I remember Pastor Bob saying, people are like, the team that comes are like scaffolding. I remember he used to say that all the time. And he goes, they're good, they come and they help build, they set up the scaffold, they build the house, and then they go back, you know, to where they and uh and so yeah, so that's you know, uh my wife and I uh left in 2019, you know, felt led to the Lord to just come back home and just take a step back. We've been running hard in ministry for a long time. And you know, in the process of that, like you said earlier, you know, life happens, things happen. Um and so we needed to take a break. We need to take a break. Um uh more me than than and her too. Um in the midst of that, we lost a child. Um uh and uh you know we still don't have children to this day. Uh many spiritual children, you know. Uh we've helped groom and raise a lot of children in the Lord, but you know, no natural children. And uh, and so you know that was something we had to I had to work through, um, you know, uh you know, dealing with the loss of our child. Uh and uh you know, it was something very difficult that I went through and I and it really didn't hit me till many years after it had happened. So in 2009, my wife uh miraculously became pregnant, you know, um they told us we would never have children, and so she got pregnant, and we were youth pastors at the time, you know, and um and and uh what I want to say, no, it was yeah, so then uh at at the about six month mark, um you know, uh there was no no we went in for a routine checkup and there was no heartbeat. And so, you know, because of that my wife had to give birth to the child, um, so that to induce her labor. And so we, you know, went through all the the the pains and turmoil of giving birth, but you know, obviously our child was in the presence of God, you know. And uh so at in the moment there was so much grace, you know, so much prayer, so much it was powerful, you know. Uh I didn't feel the effects. It was years later that that uh that I realized that I was struggling with depression and uh uh questioning God. And you know, even though even though I didn't stop doing ministry, I still ran hard, bro. That's all I know how to do. You know, like from a teenager until, you know, I'm you know, I'm a young man, you know, in my 20s, I think in my 30s, you know. And so, you know, I'm just just moving forward, you know, just I don't know what else to do. Just and I remember my wife wanted to stop doing youth ministry, and we sat down with Pastor Bob. And man, Pastor Bob, the most gracious person I've ever he's he was just an amazing leader at that time with me and my wife, uh him and his wife both. And and you know, just uh, you know, they he basically said Ralph, you're gonna listen to your wife and you're gonna take a step back. And I'm like, No, man, I'm not. And he was like, No, you are. And I was like, No, I'm not. He's like, No, you are, you need to take a break, man. You need to heal, you need to get restored, and you know, probably need to go talk to somebody who's such an advocate for you know mental health and you know, spiritual health and mental health, right, all parts of the other person, you know, uh making sure that you're okay, and you know, just thinking that I can just keep moving and keep and not dealing with issues, man. You start getting angry and bitter without realizing, right?

Israel Caminero: 32:38

So yeah, so yeah, I'm I'm sorry to hear that. My condolences. Thank you. Um and I know you were the youth pastor at the time, and do you think that uh you were kind of just I know you you had it, you were all in for God, but at the time that that happened, do you feel like you were just trying to keep your mind busy at the same time and you felt like if you were doing everything for the right for the right reasons, you know, to glorify God and to keep doing you know what you were doing, but at the same time, you probably thought if I stop and slow down, I'm just gonna break down and think about this the whole time.

Ralph Bonilla: 33:18

Right. So I let me say this. I'll say this. I I say, you know, that um I I want to say that there was a level of pride there and ego.

Israel Caminero: 33:27

Okay.

Ralph Bonilla: 33:28

You know what I mean? Because I I think that what I felt is I felt like a failure. And that's not God.

Israel Caminero: 33:33

No, it's not. That was the enemy.

Ralph Bonilla: 33:35

Right. So, you know, I took on this man, you know, if I quit now, I failed. You know, I failed these kids, you know. And again, there's that trick, right? Like intentionally, you think you're doing the right thing. I'm gonna keep fighting, I'm gonna keep muscle through this. And you know, again, you have this uh fantasy in your head almost like, you know, I'm gonna muscle through this and it'll be fine and God's gonna give me through. And those are it's possible. But it, you know, you still gotta deal with what's happening in front of you. And you know, that's what the the council was telling me. That's what Pastor Bob was saying, that's what my wife was saying, you know. But me, I was, you know, so caught up in the identity that I had created that I was needed to be this man of faith, this man of, you know, you know, I you know, that I have this, you know, toughness and I'm gonna push to and persevere. And if I stop doing what I'm doing, what do I do now? Right. So all of a sudden, you know, I now I'm now I'm stopping, and now what do I do? And I now I didn't stop ministering and stuff like that. So that kind of kept me going. But you know, I started to open up other doors. Oh I opened up some other doors that were not good.

Israel Caminero: 34:41

Gotcha. Um, you said you went through depression for a little bit, huh? Yeah. And how did you come out of that, like besides the Lord helping you? Because I'm sure no medication or anything like that can help besides God.

Ralph Bonilla: 34:54

Yeah, definitely. You know, I I want to say that, you know, God is sovereign, he's in control. I'll say that first. And you know, we're in the palm of his hand.

Israel Caminero: 35:02

Right.

Ralph Bonilla: 35:02

And no, no, the Bible says no one can pluck us out. And even the psalmist, and I preface scripture because this is what keeps sustains us, right? When when David says, you know, where can I go to run from your spirit, Lord? So it, you know, dealing with the depression and just not knowing what was happening emotionally. And, you know, here, you know, I almost feel selfish sharing this because, you know, my wife had to give birth, my wife had to go through all that pain and turmoil. And here I'm going through my own thing, selfishly, shutting down and isolating, and she's, I'm not, you know, I'm not giving her the attention she needs to. She's suffering too. Right. So, you know, it's just a hodgepodge. So what's what starts to happen, bro? Again, here's like we see God orchestrating, you can see the enemy now. Mm-hmm. Yep. Right? He's setting, setting you up, setting you up. But one thing I will say is that when God has his hand on you, and he does, and you know that, and I know it now, right? It's like Jonah, you know, where are you gonna go? Right. Listen, Jonah, you can you can get on that, go on ahead and get on the ship, man. Go on ahead and go. I'm right there. You know, I'm I'm I'm I'm gonna get you. Don't worry. Why? Because I've already spoken my word over you. And the Bible says, so shall the word of God be that goes forth out of his mouth. It shall not return, void, but it shall accomplish. It shall accomplish. Amen. And that was what that I I was, dude. I was infected. I I'm infected with the word of God. Where can I go? So that's what starts to happen. And it don't matter what choices I made or what I did, I could not run. And I always got caught. You know? So um you always got caught. Always, always, always. You know, I mean it left me down, it left that depression led me down a dark road, man. Became an alcoholic. I can't even imagine. I became an alcoholic.

Israel Caminero: 36:56

Um a closet alcoholic. It's gotta be hard, you know. No, no, I say it to this day, then you know my story. Yeah, yeah. No, no man should bury their kid. I can't even imagine going through what you went through and fathoming, you know, what you and Debbie went through. And I love you guys, man. Thank you, man. You know, and thank you. And I'm sorry. Yeah. That's all I can say. But now look at you. You went through that storm, you got out of the storm, you went through depression, you got out of depression, and it was it wasn't you. No, it was God. Right. He was he had his hand on you the whole time. Right. And now you can let us know like where you're at now after all this happened. Yeah. You stepped down from the youth group, you know, but you came back. Right. And you came back.

Ralph Bonilla: 37:47

I still was teaching you. I mean, you met me, I was still an elder of the church. I wasn't a youth pastor at the time. Um, and you know, still serve you. My wife was the children's pastor. Yeah. And so we served faithfully. But again, you know, it was during those seasons, during that season, that I started dabbling into alcohol and uh just living this secret lifestyle. That you know, I thought it was a secret, but it wasn't. And you know, I would say that that, again, when God's hand is on your life, you know, you can make choices, you can dabble into things, and He, you know, He loves you through it. I think for me, you know, it's like a peanut butter allergy. You know, I was doing something I wasn't made to do. So, so, you know, I I can't, you know, I'm not downing anybody that, you know, I may have a drink and they're moderate and all that stuff. Listen, I have a propensity to indulge. You see what I'm saying? And so I can't live that lifestyle. Why? Because it destroys me.

Israel Caminero: 38:41

Right.

Ralph Bonilla: 38:42

You can't just have one drink. Yeah, it's it's not even that one drink, is I don't drink for taste. I drink for a fact.

Israel Caminero: 38:49

Oh, okay.

Ralph Bonilla: 38:50

Now I get what you're saying. You see what I'm saying? Like, if I'm going down that road, I'm not drinking just because, oh, I love the way it tastes, and oh, it's age 50 years in the barrel, and I could taste the peaches and growing up, no, come on, bro. Gotcha. You know, so that's me. I'm not judging anybody who does that. You know, that's that's on them. I just know for me, for me, the part of my calling is that's not part of it. Right. Just like a person that says, listen, is there peanuts in this? I can't eat them. Because I'm gonna have to give myself an Epi shot. It's gonna cost me something.

Israel Caminero: 39:21

Gotcha.

Ralph Bonilla: 39:22

So that so, you know, um, so again, living that lifestyle and you know, uh you know, what it did to my wife, you know, the things that I went through, uh, you know, and that's a story for another podcast, probably um, another part of the testimony. But again, the sovereignty of God. Uh God got me through all that stuff. And and uh, you know, it's been a while, you know, now that I've been delivered from that, but it's like, you know, what do you do? Uh I had to step back. I had to step down from eldership because it was the right thing to do. Um Pastor Bob knew what was going on, and he handled that with so much. Grace, um, just uh everyone there, and uh you know, again, what did I feel? I felt like I was a youth pastor again. I felt like I let everybody down. I felt like a failure. So you felt shame again, you know. So I'm going back around now. I gotta deal with it. Yeah, now I gotta deal with it, and and and you can't stay in that place of shame and do what God's called you to do. Right. You see what I'm saying? Because God doesn't shame us, God empowers us. And I when I feel the shame, it's a reminder to me of how much I need him because I can't do it on my own.

Israel Caminero: 40:37

There you go. So nobody can do it on their own. Right. You know, people try, people try to do it on their own, but they fail. Right. Big time. Right. You know, so so you went through the depression, you stepped down, and once once you were over with the depression, and what happened next?

Ralph Bonilla: 41:03

So like so that brought me into the world. I I started seeing a counselor back in 2011 around that time, and I saw her for about six months, and that was my first introduction to seeing somebody who I could have a conversation with. And uh, and that that's that kind of just changed me right there. So then after you know, going through the the situation where you know I was you know dealing with alcohol, you know, I obviously seeing counselors and seeing people that were kind of helping me navigate through that situation as well as my wife. And and so in 2020, um, we're back at the House of Praise now, going through COVID. Um, me and my wife have started having a conversation. And uh at this point, you know, we're just kind of just sitting down, enjoying the journey, getting getting filled, you know, and and and we're still part of House of Praise. So we're you know, we started, we're getting involved in ministry, but not to the capacity that we were doing before. Um, because we still you still gotta stay plugged in. Right. You still gotta have life coming in. You know, you know, for me, resting isn't just sitting on my laurels on the in the seat going, you know, kick back and just feeding on the word. No, it's it's you got you gotta let the word get poured in, but you also gotta find an avenue where you pour out. Right? So, so um, and that's ministry, you know. So um so in 2020 uh one, 2020 we started talking about it uh towards the beginning of 21, and finally we made a decision we're gonna go back to school. And man, that was a tough decision because um, you know, I don't want to go back to school. You know, I don't want to do homework and do all so finally um in in uh the fall of 21, we made a decision to go to school to become uh clinical mental health counselors. And uh so I hopefully Lord willing, I'm in my internship now, I should be finishing that part of the portion and hopefully graduating in this this May.

Israel Caminero: 42:56

So he was still painting the picture. Oh I mean, look at it. Yeah, look what you're going to school for. Yeah, yeah, exactly. You know, like he wasn't done with you, right? You know, no matter what you were going through, that's good, man. He was still he was still painting the picture, and look what you're going to school for, and look what you're gonna succeed in. I I I'm saying it right now. Thank you, brother. And wow, I'm just yeah, he's he's just great, right?

Ralph Bonilla: 43:22

You know, I mean you could see like what you're saying, kind of just to reiterate what you're saying there, you can see, like I talked about the orchestra, right? You could see the moments where life gets messy, right? But there, but but what and this I love the saying, right? Joseph, one of my favorite stories, you know, because there's so much there, right? But I use it sometimes when I'm talking to people and they and they want to talk about the Bible in a counseling setting, right? Um, and I'll share the story. It says, you know, Joseph, it took Joseph a long time to come to the point when he says to his brothers, when he had a chance to avenge himself and to do them wrong. He says, you know, and he reveals who is his identity. He says, you know, what what God, what you intended for evil, God turned around for good. Good. You know, and so that's that's all of our life story, right? So, you know, if we'll just hang on to God, know that He's in control, that's what He does for us. Amen.

Israel Caminero: 44:18

Um man, what a story, right? Yeah, and and then that that's not all of it. Like he said, there's probably gonna be another podcast, you know what I mean? Part two. Part two, but so right now you're still going to House of Praise. Yes, you know, and uh you said you're doing a little ministry, just not yeah, helping out, right?

Ralph Bonilla: 44:36

Just get plugged in. You know, we're limited because of the season that we're in right now, right? It's important to understand the season, right? So uh we're in schooling prep in a season of preparedness, so uh that's what we're doing, and uh, you know, you know, just taking it a day at a time, man.

Israel Caminero: 44:51

Right. Okay, so so I I'm just gonna ask you a few questions here before we close out. One of the questions is if you had a clone that would go back in time to tell you everything that you just told us on this podcast, what what was gonna happen, where you were gonna be, to your old self, right back in your youth years, when you were a knucklehead, what do you think that he would say?

Ralph Bonilla: 45:20

That's a good question. I think I think, you know, although there's been some regrets, right, because you, you know, you're not happy about everything you've done. I think what I would tell that young man is don't be afraid to pursue God. Uh don't be afraid to chase after him, um and and discover what he has for you. You know, um and uh stop procrastinating. Right. Now do you think you would have listened? Uh probably not. Right. Probably not. You know, um, I mean, how often do young people listen to somebody that's trying to bring some something rational to the exactly, exactly.

Israel Caminero: 45:57

Um but it's just funny, isn't it? I tell myself the same thing. Like, man. Now, would I change anything?

Ralph Bonilla: 46:04

Um the one thing I would change for me, and just being completely transparent, was the harm that I did to my marriage and my wife.

Israel Caminero: 46:13

Okay.

Ralph Bonilla: 46:15

By the decisions that I made and my in my you know, and my shortcomings that I had with alcoholism and all that. She didn't deserve to go through none of that, right? Um now I tell you what, you talk about somebody who's an expression of God's grace and his mercy and his goodness. That's what she is. Amen. You know, and don't deserve that. That's what mercy is, right? God giving us what we don't deserve.

Israel Caminero: 46:41

Amen. Amen. And I know her very well, and I know exactly how she is, and you're right.

Ralph Bonilla: 46:47

You know, you're right. She's amazing. I'm gonna have to go by to stop and get flowers or something, bro. I'm all emotional right now.

Israel Caminero: 46:53

Yeah, she she's definitely amazing. I remember meeting her, and she's just a wonderful person. So is there a particular passage that you go to every time? That's like your favorite passage in the Bible. Is there a specific one that you go to? My go-to.

Ralph Bonilla: 47:10

Yeah. Um for me, uh, one of my favorite scriptures that I like is uh, you know, in 1 Corinthians chapter 13, uh when it says, you know, when I was a child, I spoke like a child, acted like a child. Uh but when I became a man, I put childish things away. And I think that, you know, that speaks of process, that's that speaks of development, right? And that also speaks about that we have an onus in the change that's gonna happen in our own life. Even though we can't change ourselves, there is a level of doing that needs to take place, right? So he says, when I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, no control. But when I became a man, there was a becoming, a level of the next stage, next level. I put I put childish things away. And I think that that's the story is true for my life, and you know, it's a story true for most people's life. If if they want to see something break away from their life, they gotta know enough to go to that next level so that they can accept that change and make be able to put that away. Say, okay, I'm done with that chapter, you know, with the help of God. So that's one of my favorite scriptures.

Israel Caminero: 48:18

Amen. Now, has there ever been any sacrifices or difficult choices that you've made to follow your spiritual path?

Ralph Bonilla: 48:27

Oh yeah. Oh yeah, there's there's been many, but one that I can think of for sure was you know going to Lakewood. You know, it was it was difficult. But, you know, again, hindsight being 2020, the things that you learn, the things you go through, you know, in life, you know, like you're saying, this testimony, right? Right. There can't be uh there can't be a testimony without a test. Exactly. Right? So, you know, part of our story is you know, those little things that we go through in life. Listen, life is hard and it is difficult, and there's no easy road. Because any any person who's gonna be successful is gotta be disciplined and focused. You know, so so either you choose to be focused now or life circumstances and difficulties are gonna cause you to be focused, and it's not gonna be easy. Right? So I just I just think that you know, in of in in in myself and the things that I've learned is that, you know, I'll say this to anyone who's listening. God doesn't like people to walk and live in a comfort zone. Amen. He is not the God of comfort zones, he is the God of the uncomfortable.

Israel Caminero: 49:32

Amen.

Ralph Bonilla: 49:32

That's faith.

Israel Caminero: 49:34

I was actually just about to ask you, is there anything you want to tell someone that might be listening? And you must have read my mind because you said it.

Ralph Bonilla: 49:41

We're we're in we're in we're in a sink here, bro.

Israel Caminero: 49:44

Seems like that, right? Yeah, right, right. Yeah, because that was my last question, but now you now you just took it away and said it anyways. But yeah, Ralph, I just want to thank you for that story, man. And like I said, there's a lot more, but we only we're only here to glorify God, right? We're only here to glorify God, and I always tell my guests, share what you want to share and how you want to share it, because some some things might be uncomfortable, but we have to get uncomfortable to be comfortable. But, anyways, like I said, this is all for God. You know, this is not about us. This is for someone that might be out there listening, that might be going through the same thing or that went through the same thing, that you're not alone. You know, you're not alone. There's people out here that have gone through things just like you. And that's part of the reason that I just started this because God was prompting me to do it, using me as a tool to start it. That's good. And that's the type of people that I want in here, is people that share these types of testimonies that might touch someone, you know, that they might listen to it and just say, I need to go to church. Right, you know, I need to pick up a Bible, I need to seek the Lord. Because there's a lot of people that are lost, right, you know, lost out there and and just don't know the way. But like I said, I want to thank you, Ralph, for joining me today in my second podcast. It's just the beginning. Hopefully, we'll get more guests in here and touch more people. Right. And this podcast will be available on Apple, iTunes, Amazon. Follow it, rate it, please do. It would help out a lot. But before we go out, Ralph, can you say a prayer for us before close out?

Ralph Bonilla: 51:29

Sure. Father, we just thank you, Lord, for the opportunity uh to bring glory and honor to your name. Lord, I pray for Izzy, Lord God. I pray for this uh ministry that you've uh put on his heart to allow people the platform uh to be able to share their times of testing, Lord God, that they've gone through and to be able to showcase your goodness, your mercy, uh, and uh just your hand upon their lives. Lord, your word says that we overcome by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of our testimony. And Lord, when we have that platform where we could share and glorify you so that others might hear what greater platform. So I thank you for Izzy's obedience. I pray that you continue to bless him. Lord, continue to provide and give him wisdom as he continues to navigate. And we just thank you for this. That that many, many will find hope, many will find that place, Father God, uh, of saying, Hey, uh, I needed to hear those words, and their lives will be changed, not because of us, but because of you and the power of your spirit. And just in Jesus' name we ask you these things. Amen.

Israel Caminero: 52:34

Amen. So once again, Ralph, I thank you. Thank you for being here. Um, and I would like to say blessings to everyone listening, because without you, yeah, this wouldn't be possible, anyways. So my blessings to you. Go and share it. And share, share the podcast, like it, follow it, rate it. Share your story. It's not about us. And if you ever want to get in contact with me to share your story, you can reach me at living testimonies at hotmail.com. You can send me an email, and we can do this one-on-one. We could do this over the phone. It doesn't matter. I'll meet you where you're at. So, like I said, if you want to ever share a testimony, you can just email me at living testimonies at hotmail.com. And I'll be sure to get back to you, and I'll be waiting for you to share your story because someone else needs to hear it. And like I said before, have a good night and my blessings to you.