Unseen Protection: Story of Hope and Resilience, with Taleah Pletzer

Join me as I welcome Taleah Pletzer to the show! Taleah shares her powerful story of God's presence in her life, even in the darkest moments.

From experiencing sexual abuse as a child to struggling with feelings of rejection and suicidal thoughts as a teenager, Taleah's story is one of hope and resilience.

She shares how God protected her mind and spirit, and how He continued to guide her through the toughest times.

Today, Taleah has the privilege of walking with other women through their own journeys, and she's here to share her story with us.

Transcript

Israel Caminero: 0:15

Welcome to Living Testimony: Stories of Faith and Redemption. I'm your host, Israel Caminero, and I hope everyone that's listening is blessed and doing well. With me today, I have my sister in Christ, and her name is Talia Fletcher, and she wanted to share her testimony with everyone. Boy, did she have a great one. Taleah Pletzer, could you introduce yourself to everyone, please?

Taleah Pletzer: 0:36

Yes, thanks, Israel, for uh having me today. It's an honor to be here. Uh well, like Israel said, my name is Taleah Pletzer. I have uh been married to my wonderful husband for almost 30 years. We have five beautiful daughters, eight grandchildren. Um, I homeschooled my children, most of them anyway. Um so I home I've been a homeschooler for the past um 22 years. Uh, and then most of them are gone and moved out, and so the Lord gave me a passion for helping women uh get free and told me to tell my story. Uh, we also have a small family ranch that my husband and I run together. Um, and so we have quite the fulfilling and filled life.

Israel Caminero: 1:20

That's great to hear. Before we get started with your testimony, I'd like to pray over us. Dear God, we thank you for Talia being here today. We're grateful for her courage and willingness to share her story. As we prepare to hear her story, we ask that you grant us ears to listen with compassion, hearts to understand with empathy, and minds to receive her words with an open and non-judgmental spirit. Help to create a safe and supportive space for Talia to share her experiences. May this conversation be a sacred space for Talia to share her journey and may her story bring hope, healing, and inspiration to all who listen. May our words be gentle, our tone be kind, and our hearts be fully present. Guide our words, our thoughts, and glorify you through every moment of our time together. It's in Jesus' name that we pray. Amen. Talia, like I let all the listeners know, you're here to share your story. I've heard bits and pieces of it, and it's it's a good testimony that she has from where she used to be and where God has taken her now. So if you want to share your testimony right now, the platform's all yours, Talia, you can start from where the journey began.

Taleah Pletzer: 2:38

Thank you, Israel. Uh before I begin, I would just like to um uh let people know if uh any of my family is listening. Um this story is my story, and I just want you to know I don't hold anything against you. I have forgiven everything that happened in the past is in the past. I know that you are you're in a different place, just like I am in a different place. Um, and so I just want to release freedom. There's no condemnation, there's no um ill words toward for you or anything like that. And also um I just want to give a little warning. Um, my story is um a different kind of story. It's um heart-wrenching and can be can be triggering for some people. So I just want to put it out there for anyone listening. If this story triggers you in any way, um, please feel free. I release you, turn off the podcast, pause it, come back to it later if you are able to. But by no means, I do not want my story to injure or hurt anyone. I um want my story to lift up the Lord, first of all, and lift you up and encourage any women listening, anybody listening, um, that God is with you, He is for you, and He will never leave you or forsake you, even in the midst of our toughest, toughest times. Um, so that being said, um like Israel said, My name is Talia. Um, I guess I'll start with this um part, which is kind of interesting. The Lord has recently um changed my name. So my name was Tanya, um, until up about uh in March uh this year I changed it legally to Talia. Um, and how that happened is I've had some ups and downs with my biological mother. Um she and I uh she abandoned me when I was just under a year old um in Okinawa, Japan. My dad was stationed in the military, and she just had a bunch of her own issues and just couldn't be a mom. So um she just took off and he was kind of left holding the bag, so to speak. So he um, you know, had to figure out what to do. And so my grandparents in the States raised me for about two years because he still had his term to finish in the military. Um, and so I was raised by them, and um, so I didn't really know my biological mom hardly at all. I saw her once when I was six, better remember, and once when I was 10, and then not again until I turned 16. Um, that being said, we've had, you know, when I reconnected with her when I was 16, and it was a very bumpy ride. I believe she just can't forgive herself for what happened and what my dad, and I'll show that in a minute, uh, did to me all those years ago and for her not being there. Uh, I released her as I got older. I kept saying, I forgive you, let's move on, there's no guilt. She just is not at a place where she could ever forgive herself. That's what I believe. Um, and so it was a very rocky relationship for the last 30 years or so. I've tried so hard to um get her to love me. That little girl part of me needed a mom. I didn't really have a mom at all. And here I was trying to be a mom, but I didn't have one. So it was over these last 30 years, I just kept giving her chances. She kept, you know, she'd tell me no, I can't hang out with you and make every excuse not to hang out with me. But yet she would hang out with my brother or she'd hang out with his kids, like any birthdays or Christmases or whatever. Like we all hang out together at Christmas, but their birthdays, she was there. My kids' birthdays, my birthday. Oh no, I'm busy. Oh no, I can't. I gotta work, I gotta do this, I can't, I'm tired, I'm this, whatever excuse she could come up with. Um, and then finally, this past year, um, and she'd done this a few times with me, she'd move and not tell me she moved, and then she would change her number sometimes and not tell me she changed her phone number. I would have to chase her down through her boyfriend or my brother to get her new phone number. Well, this year, in about February, I just went to call her. I hadn't talked to her in a little bit, so I went to call her and I was shopping and was sitting in my truck, and her number was disconnected, and I just sat in my car and I bawled, and I just cried and cried out to God. I was like, I don't think I can do this anymore, I don't know what to do. Like, what did I do wrong? All those feelings of shame and unworthiness and why can't she love me just came flooding back. Even though I'm at ill place, those wounds are still there, they still hurt. So I cried out to God right there in the middle of a parking lot in my truck, and I heard the Lord say, I release you. And I was like, Oh, wow. He's like, You don't have to do this anymore. This is not healthy for you. And I was like, Wow, okay. So I called a friend and we prayed together, and she um sat with me for a little bit, and I had already been thinking about changing my name for like a month, month and a half. Uh, hadn't told my husband. Long story short, that's the day I went, I decided, yep, I'm gonna go talk to my husband to see what he thinks. Um now I'm in my 50s, and so I kind of thought it was weird. I was like, hmm, I'm 50-something years old. Like, why do I want to change it now? And I just thought, well, I'm just gonna see. I just had this sense, like, I need a new identity. I'm stepping into a new passion, I'm stepping out, I'm not the same person, I'm not that tawny anymore. I'm like a new creation. That's kind of how I felt. And so I went to him and I expected him to kind of because he's kind of old school, so I expected him to be like, no, no, that's kind of weird. Why do you want to do that? He wasn't. Israel, like immediately, he was like, No, after everything you've been through, I totally get it and I support you. And I was like, You do? What wow? And this is cool. And so then I didn't have a name. He's like, Well, have you been thinking about a name? How long have you been thinking about doing this? So we went through this whole thing, and I was like, No, I don't really have anything. I wanted to wait for you. And he's like, Oh, okay. So I messaged all my daughters, I told him what I was thinking. I kept praying and praying, and I'm telling you, Israel, God kept just bringing things to my mind, to my heart. Like, it was amazing. He just brought it. And then I came up with Talia. He's my husband's like, let's just go to coffee shops, let's just try out different names. I'm like, okay, that sounds cool. I could be different names today. Like it was kind of fun. Um, choosing your own name is kind of fun. Like, I never realized like this was kind of fun. I did like Melody and I did um I did Talia for a little bit, and then I did this name, but Talia just stuck. Um, I remember the first time I was trying on some clothes with in a store, and this lady's like, Oh, what's your name? And I'll put it out here. And I was like, Oh, I'm Talia, and she goes, Oh, that's such a beautiful name. And I was like, Wow, nobody ever said that about my other name. I was like, Wow, really? She goes, I've never heard that before. That is the most beautiful name. And I just, my heart, I was just like, Oh, wow, oh wow. So I tried it out for a little bit, and then I just knew it didn't take me very long, and I was like, Yep, this is the name. And um, it was easier for our ranch business too. We didn't have to change the first letter of my name. So I was kind of teasing my husband, going, Oh, you must be a tea man. So we were laughing. Um, and so I just did it. Like I prayed and prayed, and I just felt like you know, the Lord has changed all these people's names in the Bible. And so he led me to that. He's like, I changed this person's name and Israel's name, Jacob's Israel, Paul the Saul, Saul DePaul, like all these people in the Bible, he changed their names. And I was like, wow, that's kind of cool. Um, and then I was praying about like, well, how do I spell this? Like, because I all my girls and I have a Y in our name, and I really wanted to keep that because it was really special. Um, but then the Lord was like, read the story of Leah. So I was like, why? Like, that's weird. I've read that story a lot. What why do I need to read that story? So but I did. I listened and obeyed. I read the story. I'm telling you what, Israel, for the very first time, like you and I both know, and I hope you listen to know the the word is living and active. You get something new out of it every single time you read the word. It is living, living, breathing document. It is amazing. So I read it, and for the first time ever, boom, it just I was like, oh, this is my story. This could be me. That's why God wanted me to read that story, and so that's why I spelled it the way I did.

Israel Caminero: 10:51

Amen.

Taleah Pletzer: 10:52

So my name is after Leah. Um in the Bible. That's good.

Israel Caminero: 10:56

So now you said your mother abandoned you and she kept kind of avoiding you and stuff. Have you talked to her since then? Or you don't talk to her at all anymore?

Taleah Pletzer: 11:09

No, I um the relationship's kind of pretty much done at this point. The Lord told me just to um honor her, not talk bad about her, that kind of thing, and just pray for her. She's not saved, so pretty much none of my family's saved. Um and so I that's what I do. I just pray for her, and you know, I you know, it it's just not a good situation for me because every time I reach out and she rejects it, I I just it's really bad for my mental health and my well-being. The rejection every single time. Um, pretty much I was calling her before this year thing happened and she changed her number. So like now I really, you know, can't call her. Um and that was also confirmed. Oh, go ahead.

Israel Caminero: 11:52

So you never got closure as far as um why she left you at such a young age?

Taleah Pletzer: 11:57

No. Um, when I was 16, uh my dad was like, Oh, you're 16 now, like because her grandparents, my great-grandparents died, long story short. I um she was the executor, so I they left me some money in a trust fund. And so I could get a hold of her. So my dad said, Hey, why don't you get a hold of her? And I was like, why? Like, she's never sent me anything, she doesn't really want me. And he said, Well, you're 16 now. Why don't you now you can make your own decisions? So I did. I went and visited her. We started talking, that's how I got to know her. I met my brother because I'd never met him, or I'd met him a couple times, but I didn't really remember him, and he didn't remember me um because we were quite a bit of age age gap apart. And so um I went to her and you know, I asked her because I was really curious, you know. I needed a mom and I never had one.

Israel Caminero: 12:42

Right.

Taleah Pletzer: 12:43

Not really. So um I asked her, hey, you know, why did you do that? Like, why didn't you get custody of me? I really wanted to know, especially because of how my dad hurt me, which I'll go into in a moment. I was like, how come you didn't fight for me? I just wanted to know, you know, as a kid, as a person, and she was just like, you know, didn't really have an answer. She just kept skirting the answer, kept kind of, you know, well, your dad wouldn't let me. Well, I never got the paperwork to go to trial. He just did it sneakily. And, you know, at 16, I didn't know the rules. I just was like, all right, I just took her word for it. And I had to make a choice. She didn't really want to share. I think she was hurting too. I think she felt super guilty, bad. So I at that point, at 16, had to decide right then do I want to try to have a relationship with her or do I want to push this button and not have a relationship at all? I really wanted a mom. I really desperately, that little girl part inside of me needed and still wanted a mom. And so I just I let it go. I just didn't ask anymore. I I just wanted to be loved by her. And the more and more I tried, the more she pushed away. Like we've had some good times, her and I. Like we had some good times. We used to go to casinos um, because I live in Nevada. We used to go to casinos together and and eat dinner at like midnight because she worked brave, you know, or actually swing. And so we'd go play slots, the penny slots, you know, and we had so much fun doing that. And those are some, you know, really good memories. She, when I lived with her, she played me up for the middle of the night. And we'd go to like Jack in the Box and get ice cream at like midnight. You know, those are really good memories, you know, I have of her going shopping, driving her car, hanging, you know, driving around town with her, you know, sitting laughing. We used to do that, you know, sometimes when she wasn't in her own turmoil, she had her own stress. But yeah, to make a long story short, I don't um talk with her. I was talking with her until this year, uh, and then she changed her number, so changed her number, didn't give it to me. So, you know, that was her choice. Um, I can't make her love me. And I want to tell you, listeners, you can't make somebody love you. No matter how much you try, no matter how much you do, you cannot make somebody love you. And it took me almost 30 years to figure that out. Um, and it is very hard. It is so hard for me still.

Israel Caminero: 14:57

Well, that's very true what you're saying about you can't make someone love you, but considering that it was your mom, you were still trying, of course, because it's your mother, you know what I mean?

Taleah Pletzer: 15:06

Yeah, yeah.

Israel Caminero: 15:08

So I mean mothers mothers are supposed to love their children, but unfortunately, you know, yours went a different way.

Taleah Pletzer: 15:18

Yeah, she just um, you know, she just doesn't have capacity, you know. I think she tried in her own way, uh and she does have epilepsy, so she has to take these drugs and it does affect her brain. For a long time I thought that was an excuse, but then through circumstance of events of my own healing process, uh I started having seizures, not the one she has, I don't have epilepsy. Mine is a different condition. But through that, I the Lord really gave me a heart for her, a passion because I physically knew what she was going through. It wipes you out. It completely wipes you out when you have seizure after seizure after seizure. And so he did give me a passion and or a compassion part of me. Um and a heart for that part for her.

Israel Caminero: 15:59

Well, I'm sorry you had to go through life without a mom. No one should have to go through that. But you said that you were living with your father at the time. Yes. Like he raised you.

Taleah Pletzer: 16:09

So from the he did. Yes.

Israel Caminero: 16:11

How was that?

Taleah Pletzer: 16:13

Um, well, you know, it um had good times, but also a lot of very traumatic and turmoil times. He molested me um from the time of like young childhood. It's my earliest memories, uh to early to late teens. And so, and also like I did have another mom. He got remarried when I was about three, probably, and then they had a son together, so I have another brother. So we lived together and she was my mom. Like, I had no idea, like I didn't really know my other mom. So she became my mom at three, you know. I needed a mom, she stepped in. I loved her, she was my mom, she was the only mom I ever knew. Well, she was an alcoholic, my dad did drug, they did drugs together, also. Um, they fought quite a bit. It was a very volatile situation for us. Um, kids, my dad, you know, dealing drugs, he was pretty smart. Like back in the day, like it was bad. I mean, for a seed of marijuana, you'd go to jail for 10 years. It wasn't like it was today. And so he was very careful. He didn't sell to anybody that he didn't really know or have acquaintance with, he didn't just sell to anybody. But our house was always in and out, in and out, in and out. This stranger, that stranger, in and out, in and out, and he'd hide. Like our house was like not even done. Our house, like, had for a while because he was remodeling, no, no she rock. We just had the insulation in our house, and then he ripped out the fireplace because he was gonna put central heating. Well, he never did that, and so we were freezing. We huddled around this kerosene heater for warmth um all winter. Our roof leaked so badly, and so it was just a lot of you know turmoil things um and the abuse, you know, for him and I. And he would tell me, you know, as I got older, I started questioning, you know, like, wait a minute, because you know, you grow up, you go to school, you learned, you know, stranger, danger and all that, bad touch, good touch. And that wasn't even as prevalent as it is now, what they teach kids, which I'm so glad they do. But for us back then in the 70s and 80s, they didn't do that, and so, you know, I had his word, that was it. He was like, Oh, this is just what we do, this is how you and I love each other. And I was like, Oh, okay, I thought everybody I mean, I honestly thought it sounds foolish to people, maybe, but I honestly thought as a kid, this is what we do. Oh, this is how we love each other, this is what we do. This is a special bond between my dad and I. This is what we do, even though I didn't really like it a lot of times. I was like, oh, this is how he loves me. And I'm special because he doesn't love my sister brother that way or anybody else. It's just me. So he kind of made that seclusion that, oh, this is just what we do. This is just so intimate, this is how we love each other. And he made it we, it wasn't a he thing. So for years, I really took that on myself. The shame, the guilt, the condemnation. I thought it was me. This is something I did. I felt like I was a willing participant, even though I was not. I was very brainwashed, very manipulated. And when that stuff didn't work for the abuse to keep his secret, he would tell me, Oh, first it was, well, if you know I go to jail, you're going to jail too. And I was like, Oh my gosh, no, I don't want to go to jail.

Israel Caminero: 19:22

Right.

Taleah Pletzer: 19:23

And then it was, well, um, and then if you don't go to jail, you'll be in foster care. And you know, or maybe you don't, but foster care in those days was not a really great option. So I was petrified. I was terrified. I was like, oh yeah, no, this is going to degrave with me. I'm I'm never saying a word ever. And so I kept the secret for 26 years almost.

Israel Caminero: 19:44

Wow.

Taleah Pletzer: 19:44

And so um, yeah, I just it was something that was going to the grave with me. I I never told I was never gonna tell a soul ever.

Israel Caminero: 19:52

So this happened for 26 years?

Taleah Pletzer: 19:55

Uh well, it wasn't ongoing for 26 years. No, it didn't, I just didn't. out with the secret and tell this about 20.

Israel Caminero: 20:02

Okay, I'm sorry.

Taleah Pletzer: 20:03

Four, twenty five-ish, something like that. No, no, no. It um was I was late teens. I was actually still going on occasionally when I was married to my ex-husband actually because he didn't know how to love me and you know he was cheating on me. And so my dad was miserable and his him and his wife weren't getting along and then he got divorced again. And so when he was alone it was like really bad. And I when I lived with him I would jump into the wife role. And so as soon as the wife was gone I was like oh and I would just automatically jump into that role in every sense of the way which is sounds bad to say but it was my life. That's how I lived. It just was it was what it was and I didn't know any different. I would cook him dinner, I would clean house I you know especially when he got divorced from my stepmom when he got divorced from her then she abandoned me too she said I can't be your mom because you talk about your dad and I can't deal with it. Oh okay so then I didn't have another mom and it was just me and my dad by ourselves and so I jumped in the role of being a wife and you know that's what I did. And we have this bond that I thought you know oh this is cool and you know as a oh 12 13 year old you think oh my gosh this is kind of cool like in my wrecked brain my fractured brain I thought oh yeah this is great this is normal this is what we do and and it was not normal. Right but it was my normal I did not know I had no idea that that was not what you're supposed to be doing.

Israel Caminero: 21:37

I mean you were so young you didn't know any better either you know I mean you were dealing with your mom abandoning you and then what your dad was doing to you and then telling you at the same time and feeling shame altogether that you didn't know what was going on. That's that's kind of messed up. You know you you sitting here talking about abandonment and you know the assault how did uh these events shape your life you know or your self perception about yourself?

Taleah Pletzer: 22:08

That's a great question. Um I really felt like I was unworthy. Um but I felt like I didn't matter and um I thought that there was something really wrong with me um because nobody else would want me because I was staying I felt like I was a target for a really long time because not only was my dad hurting me that way sorry I'm gonna get emotional. No that's perfectly fine and it's understandable but my grandfather his father it was generational it was all through my family a few times my grandfather on his side my dad's dad did it and I just kept thinking man do I have a target on my back like why do all these people these men like what is what is with me like why is it me why am I like you know what is it about me? What am I doing? I thought I was giving off this vibe or something especially as a teenage girl. I thought I was dressing provocative versus provocative pardon me or something. I didn't really know so I took it on as my fault that there must be something I'm doing wrong to get these guys to just keep touching me and hurting me. And then on my mom's side um I was allowed to see my great grandparents which were her parents her grandparents and I got to spend the summers with them and then my great grandfather on mom's side he would take me in the woodshed. I liked to learn like building and putting things together and he was like a great woodworker and he was a great mechanic. He just was all around you know mechanically inclined and so I'd watch him in the shop and then he would just you know sit me on this bench and start touching me and other things. And so I was like oh my gosh like what is wrong with me and so I going on through like middle school high school I mean if you saw the clothes I would have worn like I even wore them when I married my husband my current husband and he was like why are you wearing like such baggy I would wear jeans that were practically like so baggy so and shirts that were like hung on me. I I I wore my hair I didn't wear makeup I wouldn't look good I I thought I was attracting attention to these people I thought it was my fault so I in turn just kind of wanted to disappear so I didn't want high school boys to like me I didn't want any of that I was like mm mm get away from me because I just felt so gross and I felt like you know sex was gross like it all was gross stay away from me um and so it was so difficult um for me you know when I got older too getting married trying to be married trying to picture like God in my marriage and oh this is supposed to be a good thing this is supposed to be an intimate thing between a husband and a wife because I I didn't feel that way for a little while especially like with my first husband I was like oh this is gross it was a duty with my first husband I was like okay this is what I have to do didn't it wasn't intimate wasn't joy nothing it was actually a job it was awful I didn't like it I didn't you know and I just didn't know um but if I may I want to share like a good part of this story um because your podcast is about where you've seen the goodness of God and how God intervenes so I'd like to share some good stuff if if that's okay.

Israel Caminero: 25:33

Yeah that's totally fine.

Taleah Pletzer: 25:34

Like I said it's your story so um when I was younger um and the sex was happening and my dad was abusing me that way when especially my like started my teen you know like early the teen years let me rephrase that it didn't start then it started much younger but that was when it got worse because that you know as I got older and matured you know that kind of that type of thing so anyway um I would disassociate and I don't know if you're listening some of your listeners might know what that is some may not it's when your body kind of comes up and you leave your mind like you leave you're not there so that's exactly that that's what happened to me. So I would leave my body and I would see myself I would be up like floating almost up here like it was the weirdest feeling and then I would look down and I'd see him and me my body my shell down there but I my spirit my mind like was not there just my body and so I would go up to this place and I saw this man. I never knew who this man was but he was beautiful like he was dressed in white and I was the first man that I was never I wasn't afraid of this guy and I didn't repulse I didn't like back away from I just I knew this guy was safe and I didn't I like I said I had no idea who Jesus was at this point. I had I was like oh who's this guy but I I trusted him and I was like oh and he grabbed my hand and he's like oh come on let's go this way and you know I'm gonna keep you safe type of thing and I was like oh wow cool like someone a man is actually gonna keep me safe and protect me okay I'm down because nobody no man in my life had ever done that to this point up until this point so it was the coolest picture and we used to go and it's still like it's my favorite place to go with Jesus so it it had grass and beautiful flowers every single flower you can imagine was there in this beautiful field and it was just it went on and on forever and ever I mean ever and then it had these rolling hills and it had a huge big oak tree and we'd go and sit by under the oak tree sometimes and we'd just talk and laugh and you know we would just skip together and dance. So while this bad stuff was going on down I was not there. And that is what God did for me. So fast forward years later through my divorce from my first husband I come back to Jesus um my friend invited me to church and I was like I can't go to church I'm getting divorced you know don't you know that like no I'm lightning's literally gonna strike me down right is what I thought. And she was like what like nah no that's no and I was like no no no yeah I'm getting divorced like uh I gotta clean my life up first my life's a wreck but I finally was at the point where I'm like I am screwing up my life so bad sorry messing up my life um I'm messing up so bad like maybe this God you know maybe he'll help me like maybe he won't slash me down with lightning and he'll help me um so maybe I can go to church I'll just try it and so I went for a couple times and it was like I don't know if you've ever had this experience Israel but for me it was like the pastor was talking like God was talking to this pastor for me. I mean just me every sermon for like three or four times was like oh I went oh my gosh that he's talking to me like I really was like oh wow and then I heard the Lord nudge me I heard this voice like he was it was almost like he was standing behind me like hey go up there go up there and give your life to me it's time give your life to me fully and I was scared I didn't do it for the first few times but the pastor knew that it must it was the Holy Spirit there's no doubt now because the pastor stayed there and he's like okay I'm gonna wait a few more minutes there's somebody else that needs to come up and then and then the Lord's talking to me and hinting and whispering like that still small voice was like come on go ahead don't be afraid nobody's staring at you because I was like everybody's gonna be looking at me and knowing I'm a like knowing I'm yucky and dirty and he's like nobody's gonna be looking at you they all have their eyes closed go the pastor waited again like three times he's like okay there's still one more person we're gonna just linger we're gonna just play the piano we're just gonna and I was like oh so I finally did it and I went up there and I said the prayer with the pastor and it was amazing I felt so free. I was like wow and my life was never the same it God just started really helping me um and showing me his love. But as I started like studying the word you know I went to I I mean I dove in I was all in I was excited I was like yes this is what I need I have my daughter and I was like we're going to church so we did but I came across those scriptures in Bible study and stuff and on my own reading time about incest and about getting divorced. So the enemy you know I almost left I I almost walked away at that point because I thought I'm dirty I can't what am I I I did I did because I still thought it was me at that point. I still thought everything that happened and every man that touched me including my dad I put that blame on me and so I was like I'm dirty how can you love me I just was like how can you love me? Well God brought that back that picture of him taking me up and him hanging out with me in the trees and the you know grass in the field and he said that was me that was me with you Talia it was me the whole time I was like what I was like wait I don't understand so I'm pretty much an open book with God. I'm very real I'll be like hey wait whoa whoa I don't understand this I need to know I'm a white girl so I'm like why this why that and he's so gracious to me he tells me he answers me he's like oh because of this he'll show me in the word through prayer and so he showed me that beautiful picture and he was like even and I was like why I don't understand why and then you know the whole thing with God being omnipotent omnipotent thank you everywhere all the time seeing everything being with everybody so I was like wait a minute if you were there all the time and you were there when my dad was hurting me and this guy was hurting me and that guy was supposed to protect me hurt me wait a minute I was mad I actually got really mad at God I was like whoa wait a second here what's the deal I was so mad and he was like and he he wasn't offended that I was mad he was actually like I get it I know I'm mad I get it I'm mad too and I was like what you're mad too I just it was so I can't even explain it the right way but it was such a big powerful thing that happened in that moment that he said I was like why why would you not help me why did you let him do this to me why did you let this guy do this why did you let this guy hurt me over and over again why did you let my mom sleep I really was like why I don't understand and he just gently reminded me and he said even though I didn't stop it I was with you and I protected your heart and your mind and your spirit I took you away so that it would not affect you as bad you know so deeply right and he and then I just kept saying why I don't get it and he said because I will not interfere with free will that was his free will and he goes although it makes me so angry and I'm sad with you and I was angry for you and I was so angry that he was hurting my child you you're my child but I will not interfere with free will that's free will and I was like oh my gosh and then he used to um I used to rock too to kind of as a coping mechanism from as early as I can remember I love like rocking chairs and so I would pick walls in my house and wherever we were growing up because I had a pretty like a you know bad growing up rough childhood.

Israel Caminero: 33:12

Right.

Taleah Pletzer: 33:13

So I would rock on these walls and I would just rock and rock and rock on the walls and my stepmom had to take me off the wall because my head would get bloody because I would stay there for hours. Well during that time of me questioning God he also showed me he's like look remember when you would rock and rock and rock and I would go yeah and I saw the picture of me rocking as a kid and um during one of my own healing sessions and he said that was me. I was hugging you and I was rocking you and I was like oh my gosh and it just made sense to me may not make sense to your listeners but it made sense to me I saw him hugging me. I was like oh my gosh that's why I like rocking so much like that makes total sense to me.

Israel Caminero: 33:55

So he was there protecting your heart the whole time while you were going through all this trauma. Mm-hmm I mean I believe that because that's what the Lord does is he shows up when we least expect it and for you to be going through everything that you went through you know with your mom, your father every every other guy that unfortunately did things to you. The Lord came and comforted you during those times and then he showed you I was there. Yeah and it kind of sucks you know 'cause he's God right like you said.

Taleah Pletzer: 34:34

But Yeah I was like it was hard.

Israel Caminero: 34:38

But at the same time we can't explain what God does and why things happen to good people. And people have sometimes go through tests in order to have testimonies like you do. The goodness of God will reveal everything in time and it's not your timing. It'll be his timing. You also mentioned that you were struggling you know feeling broken and inadequate and you know saying what was wrong with you. Yeah you know it might have it had to have been tough to navigate those challenges every day you know just living life the way you were and thinking that something was wrong with you and nobody else. Am I right?

Taleah Pletzer: 35:22

Yeah I just yes I just thought I was alone like all alone I didn't know that anybody else I felt so alone and like gross um because also with one of the stepmoms um she actually caught my dad and eye because their walkway for the front door was right by his bedroom window and he had this big huge bedroom window and like a curtain there yes but not a very good one you know so she saw the silhouettes of me and he noticed and she was trying to get in the house and he's like go run quick get your room and so I did I just ran to my room and then they got in a huge fight of course and so he was saying all these things like you think I'm gonna do that and have sex with my daughter you think I'm gonna do what kind of sicko do you think I am he manipulated her I mean he made her feel so bad and I'm in my room at like 1213 going oh my gosh like I don't even think I was that old yet I'm in my room hearing this like and taking all that guilt on myself thinking this is gross I'm gross this is disgusting I'm so gross I'm bad what am I doing and I then the guilt just really compounded on me in the shame in that moment in those moments so I just didn't know how God could love me. I felt so much shame and so much just dirty I felt so dirty like I was used like God couldn't love me he couldn't possibly love me because I'm all used and I'm all broken and then how could anybody else love me?

Israel Caminero: 37:01

Right. Well I mean it all started at an ear in an early age I mean you're you were still developing your brain everything else so of course you know the way they were brainwashing you telling you that you'd go to jail and everything like that didn't help you know you said 1993 you went up to the altar and and gave your life to Christ and ever since then it's it hasn't been the same. So how are things going now for you as far as after Christ came into your life and all that stopped so much different.

Taleah Pletzer: 37:35

I um had gotten some healing through the years go to counselor go to this counselor that counselor you know heart healing people and different and I but I never really got to the root and so um where I'm at now is whole and healed completely healed I mean we'll always have to like do a little bit of check-ins you know there's always going to be a little bit of triggers um I am in the process of writing a book about my story and to encourage other women and so there's been parts of my story that as I'm writing it triggers some things but now I know that God is with me just like he was then and I can sense his tangible living presence and I walked through some seizures like I mentioned before uh they were not epileptic seizures so they were in the front of your brain epilepsy is in the back of your brain comes from the back of your brain the seizures I have were more cognitive in my brain because of all the trauma I had suffered your body there's a really awesome book if any of your listeners can listen to it called The Body Keeps the Score if you just Google that it's an amazing book. Our bodies actually keep trauma they hold trauma for years they can hold trauma for so long that's what my body did and finally when you get older especially as a woman they don't know why but as a woman when you get in your 40s 50s start going through the change of life that fun stuff your body cannot hold that trauma anymore so I ignored things I didn't know how to deal with things so I just kept going like that's what I was taught that's how I grew up you just keep going just fuck it up buttercup that's the generation I grew up in fuck it up buttercup you know get up put your bootstraps on keep going so I never really dealt with emotions I would get sad for a moment and then I would just keep going I was never allowed to sit in sadness I never was allowed to be angry I never could have emotions ever. And so my body reacted it started having seizures because it couldn't hold on to the trauma anymore about four it took about four years and in um 2018 I was diagnosed with something called FND functional neurological disorder I struggled with the diagnosis because I was like no I'm not broken and I've done this I can't still be broken like this cannot be possible like I've gone through so much trauma and so much healing I thought you know already I'm like oh I've done this and this and this counseling like how come I'm not good how come I'm not done but I wasn't and so God had more so then as you know COVID came in 2020 right and so I was looking for a counselor and God I knew I needed to get to the root of my issues. I really was done on the surface stuff. I was like, nope, I am ready to get to the root and get rid of these seizures. I want to have my life back. So, because I went from being active at a ranch and hanging out and walking and hiking and doing all these things to like in the winter months. So it would be about from now, October through till about April, May, depending on the weather, where I really couldn't go outside much. I couldn't do much because if I went from a warm house to a cold car or a restaurant to a cold car or hot cold, instead of, you know, our bodies will shiver like, oh, it's cold. My body no longer did that. I would go full on into a seizure every single time. And so that's how my body responded. My body just couldn't hold the trauma, so it's it was coming out. And that's um now they're finding in the um therapy circles and psychology circles and stuff, they are finding now that holding on to all that trauma for years also is attributing to autoimmune issues and stuff that people are having. Um, not all of them, but a lot of them they're finding they've had some kind of deep trauma, and they come out, it comes out and out as autoimmune deficiencies because your body just can't hold that trauma. And so um through a friend of mine, I found a really amazing counselor. Uh, she did what I'm doing now. It's called the Emanuel Approach. The approach in and of itself, its goal is to connect you, a person with the true living, tangible presence of Jesus, and to help, I help them stay connected. So healing is not the goal of this model, but I love it because that's Jesus. You are gonna get healing because that's who he is. He desires for us to be whole and free. And this lady was so gentle with me. And the Lord was it was funny because you know, everything started shutting down. So the Lord's like, Yep, here you go. You can't go anywhere, nobody's doing anything, everybody's home. So here's what you're gonna do. No distractions. So um, I was like, what wait, what? It's like, you're home, you're gonna work on you. You're we're gonna get healed, we're we're gonna do this. It's time, and so I did it. Like, I my husband was so desperate also for me to get healing and get back to our life. He wanted me to be whole, he wanted me to be able to, you know, go hiking and do the things and love outdoors like we love. We live in a state that um has amazing outdoors, and he wanted me to be able to do it again, so he fought for me. He was like, I will do whatever it takes. I will work overtime, I'll do this. We I will pay for I will find a way to pay for this for you. And he did. He has been such an amazing supporter in all of this um for the almost 30 years, and so it was awesome. Like God, he just did it because I was ready, and he used this lady, and she was amazing, and she just slowly, you know, dealt with these different parts of me, the unworthiness, um, the guilt, taking it on like it was me that did it. Um, she also figured out and helped me find that I had attachment wounds. I didn't attach to my parents well. If you don't attach to your um parents, especially your parents, but my grandparents, and so you know, if you do not attach well to others with others, you will have called what's called attachment wounds. And they um and there's different parts of us that like have attachment, we attach different ways, like attachment is anxiety, attachment, introvert, like attachment. Um, sometimes like I was overly um mine was anxiety, mine was like withdrawn a little too, but I also trusted people way, way more than I should have. That is an attachment issue because I wanted to attach to and I wanted to be loved so badly that I would just attach to anybody. I trusted people that I should never have trusted. And through all that, she kind of helped me walk through all of these things, and now I get the privilege to do the same thing for other people, and I love it. I love helping people, I don't have an agenda, I walk with them. I want women especially to know that first of all, you're not broken and you don't need fixed. There's nothing wrong with you. You are worthy, you're so worthy of God's love. Um, if I could say anything to them, I would say you're so, so worthy of God's love. And I know you don't feel worthy, and I know what that feels like. I know the pain you feel. I know you feel like God left you and he abandoned you when you're angry. I know that feeling. I know it well. And I just want you to know that you are so worthy. You are so valued by God. And as a survivor myself, I just want to tell you I'm so sorry that you weren't heard, that you weren't believed, that you weren't valued, but that is not God. Those are human beings, those are flawed people that used their free will and made horrible choices that affected you.

Israel Caminero: 44:59

That's so true. That's so true that you said that. And I'm so sorry you had to go through what you went through in life. And I'm so happy that God showed up in your life when he did, and what you're doing for others now, and trying to help them go through the same to where they're not holding it in or thinking they're unworthy or anything like that. So God had a plan for you and he's not done. He's only beginning. And um I know we only have so much time because there's only so much t so much testimony you can say in an hour. Yeah. But I know that thank you. You probably have a lot more to say, but like I said, we're running out of time. But I'd like to just ask you when you're having a bad day or even a Bible verse that you remembered from back when you were going through these things. You never mentioned if you were saved. I think the first time that you got saved was 1993, so you probably didn't have Christ in your life back then either, before any of the st you know, before 1993. But now that you do, is there a Bible verse that resonates with you that you like, that you love when you're having a bad day, or for just one that you can always go to? And what what is it and what's the meaning behind it to you?

Taleah Pletzer: 46:24

Uh one of my favorite verses, even before like I got healed it fully, is um, I am with the brokenhearted. And that used to be, I used to cling to that one. I am with the brokenhearted, and that's actually on my business cards because I want people to know Jesus is with you through it all. Another one is Jerem Jeremiah 8 21. I hurt with the people with the hurt of my people, I mourn and I am overcome with grief. That's exactly what he did for me. He hurt with me, even though I didn't know him at those times. I had no idea who he was. He was still with me, guiding me, leading me. He saved my life. Um, and I did come to Christ when I was 16 through a youth group. However, because my dad was atheist and however we were being raised and stuff like that, all the drugs, as soon as I'd start like, you know, saying, Well, oh, I think this is wrong, or oh, this is I don't think we're supposed to be doing this. I don't think we're supposed to be drinking and doing drugs, you know, I don't think that our life, and he would just be mad and be like, No, like, nope, you can't go to church anymore. And so it fell along those stones. And then another verse, the Psalms, this is my life verse. I actually have it um tattooed on me. Psalms 37, 23, and 24. And I put my name in it. So um, though Talia may fall, she will utterly not be cast down, for the Lord upholds her with his mighty right hand.

Israel Caminero: 47:44

And he was holding you for sure.

Taleah Pletzer: 47:46

Yeah, he really was.

Israel Caminero: 47:48

But now I'm going to my back to the past section of the podcast, and basically what my back to the past section is, is if the Talia from today could go back in time and talk to the younger Talia before she changed her name, of course. What would you say to her that you didn't know then that you know now?

Taleah Pletzer: 48:13

Oh, I love that question. Um I would say to her that um you are worthy and you have so much value. And even though you don't know Christ, he knows you and he is with you, and he's protecting you, and um it's not your fault. You're not dirty, you didn't do any of these things. Um, they were brought and put on you, and you deserve to be loved and valued and honored and cherished by the people that love you and by those who want to be in your life, and will uplift you, will encourage you, not tear you down, not call you um to bake, not call you names. You deserve that, and you're worth it. So fight for it.

Israel Caminero: 49:06

Amen. That's good. That's not saying she would have listened to you, but it's it's good.

Taleah Pletzer: 49:14

No, she probably wouldn't have believed me back then, but that's okay.

Israel Caminero: 49:19

Right. But I want to thank you, Talia, for being here and sharing your story. Like I said, we we only have so much time, and of course, I'm sure you have a lot more to say, but time's running out and short. And I wish that we could stay here and talk all night, but unfortunately we can't. And before we close, do you mind closing closing us out in prayer?

Taleah Pletzer: 49:44

Yes, that would be wonderful. Thank you. Dear Jesus, I just thank you for Israel and what his podcast means to so many. I thank you for his tenacity and I thank you for his drive and perseverance with you in doing this podcast. I pray for anyone listening, Lord, um, that it would resonate, it would encourage people to not stay stuck. I pray that they would go after their own healing, they would know their worth, they would know how much you really truly love them, and they wouldn't compromise, they wouldn't put it off, they wouldn't not feel like it's time and it's selfish to pour into themselves, but they would really truly run hard after you, run hard after their freedom because you, Lord, have so much for us that we don't even tap into. And it's taken me almost 50 years to like, oh, I have all these things that you wanted me to do. I do have all this potential that I didn't even feel like I was qualified to do. And I was because of you, because this is what you've called me to do. This is what I'm passionate about now. Um, I pray for any and all of these women that might be listening, or anybody that might be listening, that you would encourage them, that this podcast would encourage them, it would lift them up. My story would give them hope for healing um in their own story. And I just thank you for this time. I thank you for Israel um having me on the podcast in Jesus' name, amen.

Israel Caminero: 51:13

Amen. Thank you for that prayer, and thank you for taking the time to be here, Talia. Um, and to all the listeners that just listen to this testimony. I know things like this happen a lot in this day and age and even before this day and age. And sometimes, like she said, that you're filled with shame and don't want to tell anybody or anything like that. I suggest that you do tell someone. And if if this is happening to any of you that are listening, someone will always lend an ear and listen. So don't keep this inside because if it's happening, it's gonna keep happening. And it's not you, it's not your fault. It's not your fault, like Taliyah thought. It's not. So I just suggest to tell someone and to get out of that pit you're in. Pray about it, reach for a Bible, tell someone anything, anything will help for you not to continue if you're going through the same journey. And once again, thank you to Leah for being here and taking this time to just share your story. I want to thank all the listeners that have been listening and just sending me messages of encouragement to keep this podcast going. And remember, it's it's her story, but we're here to glorify God through it because it's what God did through all this, that we're here listening to her story. Because if God wasn't in her life now, she wouldn't be here sharing her story. It's unfortunate that she went through it, but in order to have a testimony, you have to go through tests. So I just want to thank all of you and thank her for being here. And just if you have a testimony and you want to share it, you can reach out to me at living.testimonies at outlook.com. And I'll get back to you and you can be on here and share yours. But until next time, I just want to say God blessed and all glory to God.